IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

The desire of companies to emphasise their products’ newness is becoming more aggressive, reflecting consumer mindset and marketing ethics.
While
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this
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 can be positive, I believe that excessive advertising causes more negative consequences, including waste and the strengthening of the culture of disposable consumption. One of the main reasons why marketing focuses on promoting novelty is the psychological side. Buyers are naturally drawn to the latest and most exclusive. A clear example appears in the cosmetics industry, where MAC, Maybelline and other brands collaborate with celebrities to produce limited editions.
As a result
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, consumers purchase goods, even when the decision is impulsive. If a constant pursuit of novelty only stimulated the economy, it would be extremely positive, but the negative consequences are obvious. Insatiable consumer demand often leads to the accumulation of cosmetics, which mostly remain unused.
This
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 trend, in turn, exacerbates environmental issues by increasing waste and contributes to the formation of public opinion in favour of single-use over environmental friendliness.
Conversely
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, some companies use the concept of high-visibility innovation from the standpoint of improving society.
For instance
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, the context in which green enterprises launch new products on the market, loudly proclaiming them, is a valuable advertisement that raises public awareness. If a company promotes a uniquely sustainable approach or implements eco-friendly technologies, it is worth buying from it over a less forward-looking company.
However
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, there is still a necessity to carefully examine the intentions behind branding, as the fine line between genuine efforts and greenwashing can be blurred.
Thus
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,
although
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 innovation may drive change, the emphasis on relentless novelty more often encourages consumerism and harms the environment.
Therefore
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, the development of conscious consumption and critical thinking ensures support, rather than undermining, for a sustainable future through new products.

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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the connection between your main points to enhance the logical flow of your argument. For example, explicitly linking your ideas about the environmental impact of consumerism to your closing remarks could improve coherence.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples throughout the essay to support your claims. While you mention the cosmetics industry, adding another example from a different sector could provide a more comprehensive view.
task achievement
Your essay clearly articulates both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced perspective on the topic, which is a strength in task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The use of relevant vocabulary and varied sentence structures demonstrates your command of the language, contributing positively to coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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