IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion. Practice with essays, charts, and letters.

#people #education #system #focus #students #employment #functions #practice #essays #letters
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A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 believe, that
education
Use synonyms
 has to prepare
students
Use synonyms
 for future work, particularly employment.
However
Linking Words
, it has another necessary assignment. I am going to explain my point of view about
importance
Add an article
the importance
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 of
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
. On the one hand,
school
Use synonyms
 is the first step of
people
Use synonyms
’s
education
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, which gives main knowledge, but in real
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
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 do not memorize all
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 that they get there.
Finally
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, it is not needed for adulthood.
For instance
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,
students
Use synonyms
 learn poems
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 literature lessons
instead
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 of using
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 resources to get new data about valuable
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
show examples
. I mean, that some classes are a waste of time.
Furthermore
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, teachers do not give data about real employment. At
Use synonyms
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 cannot learn how to write
resume
Fix the agreement mistake
resumes
show examples
 and
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
, earn money and use banks in
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 way. It is really important knowledge that we must have.
On the other hand
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, not all
people
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 can choose their future profession immediately.
That is
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 why
students
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 have to learn every
lessons
Change to a singular noun
lesson
show examples
 at
school
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.
Moreover
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,
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education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system has
another necessary goals
Replace the adjective
another necessary goal
other necessary goals
show examples
 like socializing and upbringing. Children grow up with kids their age,
while
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learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 how to be friends, work in groups, help someone and live in society. In conclusion, I agree with
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 about
significance
Add an article
the significance
show examples
 of work and employment, but
education
Use synonyms
 has a lot of
another tasks
Replace the adjective
another task
other tasks
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 must know information about future life and get it at
school
Use synonyms
.
Although
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, someone will find their mission in other aspects, not in
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
.
That is
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 the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
diversity
Correct article usage
the diversity
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 system.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Consider developing paragraphs more fully to ensure that each idea is clearly conveyed and supported.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to illustrate your points, making the discussion more engaging and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Work on integrating seamlessly connecting ideas between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining a structured approach.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument, showing balance in your writing.
clarity
Your viewpoints are easy to understand with the clear expression of ideas throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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