Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion. Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
A lot of
people
believe, that education
has to prepare students
for future work, particularly employment. However
, it has another necessary assignment. I am going to explain my point of view about importance
of Add an article
the importance
job
.
On the one hand, Add an article
the job
a job
school
is the first step of people
’s education
, which gives main knowledge, but in real life
most Add a comma
life,
of
Change preposition
apply
students
do not memorize all information
that they get there. Correct article usage
the information
Finally
, it is not needed for adulthood. For instance
, students
learn poems on
literature lessons Change preposition
in
instead
of using this
resources to get new data about valuable Correct determiner usage
these
profession
. I mean, that some classes are a waste of time.
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
Furthermore
, teachers do not give data about real employment. At school
Add a comma
school,
people
cannot learn how to write resume
and Fix the agreement mistake
resumes
report
, earn money and use banks in Fix the agreement mistake
reports
right
way. It is really important knowledge that we must have.
Add an article
the right
On the other hand
, not all people
can choose their future profession immediately. That is
why students
have to learn every lessons
at Change to a singular noun
lesson
school
. Moreover
, education
system has Add an article
the education
another necessary goals
like socializing and upbringing. Children grow up with kids their age, Replace the adjective
another necessary goal
other necessary goals
while
learn
how to be friends, work in groups, help someone and live in society.
In conclusion, I agree with Change the verb form
learning
opinion
about Correct article usage
the opinion
significance
of work and employment, but Add an article
the significance
education
has a lot of another tasks
. Replace the adjective
another task
other tasks
People
must know information about future life and get it at school
. Although
, someone will find their mission in other aspects, not in job
. Add an article
the job
a job
That is
the reason of
Change preposition
for
diversity
of Correct article usage
the diversity
this
system.Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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task achievement
Consider developing paragraphs more fully to ensure that each idea is clearly conveyed and supported.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to illustrate your points, making the discussion more engaging and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Work on integrating seamlessly connecting ideas between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining a structured approach.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument, showing balance in your writing.
clarity
Your viewpoints are easy to understand with the clear expression of ideas throughout the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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