It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Today, saving money is an enormous problem for everybody special youth. I totally agree with
this
statement. I will illustrate how it would be if people saved a budget for their future. On the one hand, youngsters have wanted to buy new technologies in the
last
decades. These devices are expensive
then
it is not easy for young people to buy them in a few months. They have to save most part of their income to buy new stuff.
Therefore
, there is no alternative to escape
this
situation for people. If we want to have the newest version of devices, we should save dollars.
On the other hand
, individuals work for around thirty years which means they have a salary when they do a job.
Thus
, humans must save a part of their salaries for the rest of their lives. Insurance companies do
this
job for humans. Insurance companies give specific money after retirement, which means workers save their budget whole their lives.
However
, on some occasions, like urgent medical help,
such
as unpredictable sickness or an accident, we will need financial support to pass away
this
situation.
Hence
, dollars which have been saved
,
Remove the comma
apply
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always will be useful in the hardest times.
For example
, once I had an accident,
then
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
had to transfer by plane to my hometown. If I did not have enough cash, I probably faced a lot of problems
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
holidays in the university's dormitory. In conclusion, one of the important tasks humans, including youngsters, do is put away cash for their future. In my opinion, someday we will need
this
save for something in our life to pass away issues or it is possible for us to buy everything.
Submitted by sarvin.rahimi9898 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the topic effectively, and your position is clear. However, it would benefit from including more specific examples and detailed reasoning to fully support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the logical flow between ideas could be improved for better coherence. Try to use more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point supported by evidence or examples. This will enhance clarity and keep the reader engaged.
task response
The essay has a clear stance on the statement and explores it effectively.
coherence cohesion
The structure includes a proper introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas of the essay.
task response
You provide practical examples related to personal experiences, which adds a personal touch and relevance to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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