IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe it is best to stay in city while some think it is better to stay in village. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #city #think #village
The given topic is highly controversial.
However
, if a glance is taken at the pros and cons of
this
 aspect, it is irrefutable to say that
although
 there are a lot of advantages to
live
Change the verb form
living
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 in the cities,
but
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apply
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the importance of villages cannot be neglected. So I perceive that cities provide us better life rather than villages and I hereby give the following arguments to support myself. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, there are multifarious reasons why experts
belives
Verb problem
believe
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 that
cities
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city
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 life is best. One of the major
acting
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apply
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forces behind
is
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this is
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 that people live in the 21st century where they want to attain
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 standard of living including wealth, comfort and employment.
Hence
, they can
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their basic needs without facing any issues.
In other words
, everyone knows that there are a variety of jobs available in the urban
areas
 which helps us to complete our goals
that
is
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are
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 not possible in villages.
Moreover
, history reveals that, in developing countries like India, where the majority
people
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of people
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 go to urban
areas
for getting
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to get
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high
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the high
a high
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 tone of education. Under these circumstances, they waste their quality
of
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apply
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time
to travel
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travelling
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 from
place
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one place
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 to another.
On the other hand
, it is reckoned by many multitudes that living in rural
areas
 is the best option as there masses live together and share their feelings and sorrows with each other. On top of
that
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that,
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 they always remain healthy in their lives owing to
this
 they exercise on
regular
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a regular
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bases
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basis
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 and eat healthy food
with
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apply
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high in nutrients. In
briefly
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brief
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, In developed
areas
 everyone runs like a rat race to earn a lot of money in
this
 case they spend their enough time in workplaces.
Subsequently
, they give more preference to fast food as they feel tired. They do not have
qulaity
Correct your spelling
quality
 of time
cook
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to cook
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 food at home. To recapitulate, it cannot be denied that every coin has two sides which can carry their own advantages and drawbacks. But
according to
 me, urban
areas
is
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are
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 the best option these days because they provide us
many
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with many
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 facilities including Hospitals, Education and Playgrounds not only
this
, but
also
helps
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help
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 us to get a name and fame in society.
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully introduces both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. However, ensure your main arguments are directly supported with specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, provide concrete examples of jobs, education, or healthcare facilities in urban areas.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using clearer topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs. This will help in guiding the reader through your argument more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the context by acknowledging both sides of the argument and clearly stating your opinion.
logical structure
The structure of your essay includes an introduction, body, and conclusion, demonstrating a coherent format.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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