IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that adverts control what we purchase, while others think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #adverts #control #purchase #sources #information #products
Advertisement
 is seen as
an
Remove the article
apply
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influencing marketing to encourage consumers to purchase their
products
while
 there are a few people
disagree
Correct pronoun usage
who disagree
show examples
 with that as they believe those
adverts
 are a useful tool in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 form of information guidance.
Although
 the
advertisement
 plays an adequate role
to sell
Change preposition
in selling
show examples
 the
products
, I firmly support the idea of ads being
handful
Correct article usage
a handful
show examples
sources
Change preposition
of sources
show examples
 which help individuals to make an appropriate decision. To deliver
products
 to be seen in society and well sold,
advertisement
 is a major strategy to convince customers to utilize their
products
 with all
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 they have. Acknowledging the only advantages of what they sell is possible enough to make the customers decide to get them swiftly without
second
Add an article
a second
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 consideration.
For instance
, when new technologies have been applied
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
products
 and advertised on any
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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, everyone wants to own them because they believe that they can be satisfied and have a contentment from using those. The
adverts
,
as a result
, can control the way we feel towards the presented
products
.
In contrast
, information provided by the
advertisement
 can be beneficial to others if they use them intellectually. Comparison between similar
products
 with their advantages and what they are looking for in them will be easier.
Moreover
, they will not only look for good things, but they will
also
 seek to see drawbacks and compare prices to reach a conclusion
whether
Change preposition
on whether
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 it’s worth
to pay
Change the verb form
paying
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 for or not. New iPhones that are released annually,
for example
, might not be purchased by Apple’s fans yearly even though their ads are attractively superior because the customers have adequate information to compare with the ones they have been using for years.
Thus
, I believe
that is
 the primary reason why particular details on
adverts
 are helpful to the individuals.
To conclude
, despite we can be controlled to purchase
products
 by their appealing presentation, consuming the
adverts
 wisely with the provided particulars is functional in making
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
Submitted by djruby19 on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, you could provide more specific examples and elaborate further on how adverts specifically impact consumer decisions. This will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument logically.
coherence cohesion
Try to use varied vocabulary to articulate your points more effectively. This will make your essay more engaging and clear.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the topic.
task achievement
The essay contains a balanced discussion, presenting both viewpoints effectively before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a conclusion that summarizes and asserts your opinions, which strengthens the essay's position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasive techniques
  • celebrity endorsements
  • catchy slogans
  • emotional appeals
  • materialistic culture
  • competitive pricing
  • consumer demand
  • brand loyalty
  • consumer behavior
  • innovations
  • informed choices
  • misleading claims
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