Society is becoming obsessed with material good like cars, designer clothes and jewellery. We have stopped carrying about the important things and that is why divorce rates are so high. To what extent do you agree or disagree
here
is no denying that the 21st century is a materialistic Correct your spelling
There
society
as most people
want to opt for lavish lifestyles in their lives this
trend influences more separtions
among couples. I, personally agree with Correct your spelling
separations
separation
this
notion and in the following paragraphs, I will examine the reasons behind this
phenomenon.
To commence with, let us shed some light on the reasons why this
problem arises in society
. First and foremost, as more people
these days run in a rat race to earn more and more money
thus
after becoming financially stable they spend their hard-earned money
to improve their personality. For example
, research conducted by the University of British Columbia in Canada in the Year 2012 on a group of 20% of individuals who work in the IT sector revealed that about 30% of their income they spent on buying cars and fashion clothes just to look attractive and flaunt their status in front of peers.Hence
, just to become attractive, they spend their money
on these products...
On the other hand
. let us delve deeper into the latter viewpoint of why the divorce rate has increased. Firstly
, when an individual becomes financially independent they believe they no longer need a partner to advise them moreover
they feel their privacy is disturbed. To elaborate, as today's world is more consumerism because a lot of promotion is happening in buying fancy products on online platforms such
as Instagram and Facebook ,when a female partner opts to buy those products their male partner declines ,this
raises the problem in conflict among each other and becomes one of the problem in increasing divorce rates.Secondly
, the majority of people
think if they do not spend their money
on buying fancy clothes and big cars they do not get respect from society
because in the 21st century
everybody wants to interact with rich Add a comma
century,
people
as these people
have a name and fame in society
.
To recapitulate, it can be considered that these problems arise because just because each individual is earning a lot of money
with their work they sense financially stable in their life.Furthermore
, owing to fame and name in society
they spend big chunks of money
on buying fancy clothes and modern cars.Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on
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task achievement
While the essay explores several reasons behind materialism and its influence on divorce rates, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline your stance from the beginning.
task achievement
Some points need more depth; for instance, discussing why financial independence might lead to disregard for relationships could be expanded with more examples or analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are smooth to maintain logical flow and coherence. This can be achieved by linking ideas explicitly from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces main points effectively in the introduction and provides a clear conclusion, summarizing key arguments.
task achievement
The use of research, such as the University of British Columbia study, strengthens the argument and provides concrete evidence.