New technology has resulted in many jobs, which used to be performed by people, now being done by computers or robots. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
There has been a long debate about whether the benefits brought by replacing manual jobs with new technologies outweigh its drawbacks. In my perspective, the benefits of introducing novel ideas in technology are of greater significance than the side effects because of the following reasons.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that the replacement of workers in manual jobs may lead to depression and social nervousness, because of the reduction of availability of working places for individuals, who are labour workers in the majority. There are a large number of strikes and conflicts that happen due to
the compression of the job market and the severe competition for places. However
, these crises could be relieved by several methods, to be more specific, in order to maintain the instruments and the computer systems, new job places are created. As long as governments or companies who are in charge of the new technologies can give suitable support and assistance, people are able to take the place of maintenance. Therefore
, the disadvantage of applying evolved technology can be minimised.
Strongly I believe, on the flip side, the benefits of supporting the evolution of computers enjoy more importance for several reasons. A case in point would be that the change in machines will result in an improvement in efficiency and accuracy. Because the operation of machines which are controlled by computers and calculations is faster and more precise than humans.
In conclusion, considering the possibility of reducing the side effects of stressing the job market and the benefit of improving both efficiency and accuracy. I would once reaffirm that its merits overtake its demerits.Submitted by liu486929 on
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task achievement
You've provided a clear viewpoint that the advantages of new technology outweigh the disadvantages, which is excellent. However, it would be beneficial to expand on the idea of how governments and companies can support workers to transition into new roles. Including specific examples or case studies could further strengthen your argument. For instance, mention a country or company that has successfully managed this transition.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, make sure each paragraph links smoothly to the next. The paragraph discussing the drawbacks transitions into solutions somewhat abruptly. Consider using more cohesive devices like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand,' to ensure a smoother flow.
task achievement
To improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, elaborate more on your points. The paragraph mentioning improved efficiency and accuracy is strong but brief. Discuss more details on how specific industries have benefited from technology. This will make your argument more persuasive.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the essay question. This shows a strong understanding of the task at hand.
logical structure
The essay demonstrates a solid logical structure by clearly dividing the arguments about disadvantages and advantages. This is essential for coherence and cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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