Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
More and more people think that executives should receive much higher wages than the remaining employees.
While
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some individuals agree with
this
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opinion, others argue that it brings more drawbacks. In my opinion, I partially agree that the advantages are more than the drawbacks for two main reasons.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, there are several advantages to raising the salary of the manager;
for instance
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,
this
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encourages staff to perform better.
In addition
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, when each employee enhances their performance,
this
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will affect the company in a positive way. Market observations consistently show that the prospect of a greater salary is a primary cause of staff ambition, driving employees to improve their skills in pursuit of executive roles.
Therefore
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, there is a clear relation between a high wage and good performance. From my perspective, the main reason why managers have high salaries is the responsibility;
for example
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, they will be responsible for any reduction in production.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, having a much more substantial salary than others could lead some workers to feel a sense of injustice.
Furthermore
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, there are other jobs which could be harder than a manager that may deter many people from different fields. The solution for
this
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issue, based on past experiences, is increasing the salaries of these fields and ensuring that the gap between them and the managers does not exceed 40%.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think the executives around the world are supposed to receive elevated wages
due to
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the performance and the responsibility they hold, but the difference between them and the remaining staff should be controlled.

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task response
Make your view more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly how far you agree, then keep the same view in all parts of the essay.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, show why a manager’s work and risk can make a much higher pay fair.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The point about a fall in production is too short; explain what a manager may do and why this matters to the company.
task response
The idea that the pay gap should not be more than 40% is not well supported. Explain why this number is fair, or leave it out and give a stronger general point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make the flow better, make sure each paragraph has one main idea and fully link all sentences to it.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, the sentence about other hard jobs does not clearly show how it follows the idea of unfair pay. Add a short link that explains the cause and result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating general words such as “performance,” “salary,” and “manager” too often. Use simple other words such as “pay,” “leaders,” “work,” or “results” when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “For instance,” “in addition,” and “therefore” are useful, but each one should show a true link between the ideas before and after it.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view. You also give two main reasons: better work and greater duty.
task response
Your conclusion returns to your main view and gives a balanced final point about keeping the pay gap under control.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it uses a clear four-part form: opening, one side, the other side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to guide the reader, such as “On one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • justification
  • experience
  • responsibility
  • high-stakes decisions
  • motivation
  • incentive
  • wage disparity
  • morale
  • meritocracy
  • performance
  • contributions
  • company finances
  • employee development
  • research
  • expansion
  • alternative compensation structures
  • performance-based bonuses
  • profit sharing
  • dissatisfaction
  • retention
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