IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
More and more people think that managers should receive much higher salaries than other
employees
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some individuals believe that
this
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 increase offers some advantages, others argue that it brings more drawbacks. In my opinion, the advantages are more significant than the drawbacks for two main reasons.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, there are several advantages to raising the salary of the manager;
for instance
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,
this
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 encourages
employees
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 to perform better.
In addition
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, when each one enhances their performance,
this
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 will affect the company in a positive way. Market observations consistently show that the prospect of a higher salary is a primary cause of staff ambition, driving
employees
Use synonyms
 to improve their skills in pursuit of executive roles.
Therefore
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, there is a clear relation between a high wage and good performance. From my perspective, the main reason why managers have high salaries is the responsibility;
for example
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, they will be responsible for any reduction in production.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, having a much higher salary than others could lead some workers to feel a sense of injustice.
Furthermore
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, there are other jobs which could be harder than a manager that may deter many people from different fields.
This
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 can be fixed by increasing the salaries of these fields and ensuring that the gap between them and the managers is not vast.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think the executives around the world are supposed to receive higher wages
due to
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 the performance and the responsibility they hold, but the difference between them and the remaining
employees
Use synonyms
 should be controlled.

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task response
Make your opinion more exact from the start. Say clearly that you agree that senior managers should earn much more, but that the gap should not be too large.
task response
Develop each main point further. Explain why a manager’s choices can affect jobs, money, and the future of the whole company.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. For example, a manager may choose a new plan that raises sales, while a wrong choice may cause the company to lose money.
task response
The point about other hard jobs is useful, but explain how it links to senior managers’ pay. Show why hard work alone may not mean the same level of pay as company-wide duty.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending. To make the flow better, make the first body part only about reasons for high pay, and the second only about problems and limits.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not fully clear. In “when each one enhances their performance,” say who “each one” means. Use “employees” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about high pay and better work. Add a new supporting point, such as the need to bring in and keep skilled leaders.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care. “For example,” should be followed by a full, specific example, not only a general statement.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view throughout the essay.
task response
You give two useful reasons for higher pay: better work and greater duty.
coherence and cohesion
The main structure is easy to follow, with clear body parts and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • justification
  • experience
  • responsibility
  • high-stakes decisions
  • motivation
  • incentive
  • wage disparity
  • morale
  • meritocracy
  • performance
  • contributions
  • company finances
  • employee development
  • research
  • expansion
  • alternative compensation structures
  • performance-based bonuses
  • profit sharing
  • dissatisfaction
  • retention
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