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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #homes #fear #crime #actions
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In modern society, there are differing perspectives on whether
crime
 can be effectively prevented.
While
 I recognize that managing
crime
 is a significant challenge, I believe that concrete measures can indeed be taken to reduce
crime
 rates. On the one hand, some people argue that preventing
crime
 is nearly impossible. Following the global COVID-19 pandemic, economic downturns have led to high levels of unemployment, which have left governments and businesses struggling to recover. Many citizens are unable to maintain a basic standard of living, not only
due to
 a lack of jobs or income sources but
also
 because of inadequate social welfare systems.
This
 financial insecurity may drive some individuals to commit crimes,
such
 as robbery, theft, or drug dealing, as a means of survival.
On the other hand
, those who advocate for stronger
crime
 prevention emphasize the social responsibility of creating a safer environment.
Firstly
, governments can implement stricter sentencing regulations and ensure their enforcement, as the fear of losing one’s freedom can deter individuals from breaking the law.
Secondly
, improving security measures is another effective method for combatting
crime
.
For example
, an increase in surveillance cameras and street patrols can serve as a deterrent against criminal activity.
Lastly
, large corporations can contribute by offering more job opportunities, enabling individuals to meet their basic needs legally. In my opinion, additional measures can be taken to reduce
crime
, with the general public
also
 playing a key role. Through raising awareness of social norms and the consequences of
crime
 via media, educational programs, and community initiatives, citizens can gain a better understanding of acceptable
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and develop a greater respect for the law. In conclusion, I would argue that with increased awareness of social responsibility, the combined efforts of governments, corporations, and the wider community can significantly aid in preventing
crime
 and fostering a safer, more harmonious society.
Submitted by 18126275033 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the counterarguments to show a thorough exploration of both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transition between paragraphs for even better coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear discussion of both viewpoints regarding crime prevention, which thoroughly addresses all parts of the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively sums up the main ideas and presents a clear opinion, offering a sense of completeness to the essay.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and support the points being presented, adding strength to the arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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