IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families, while others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #time #families
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Some individuals think that
children
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 should dedicate all of their free
time
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 to being with their families,
whereas
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 others argue that
this
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 is either unnecessary or potentially harmful.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my opinion. On
one
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the one
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 hand, many people believe that
children
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 benefit greatly from spending their free
time
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 with their families. Parents play the main role in shaping their
children
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’s behaviour and values. By staying in family environments,
children
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escapde
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escape
escaped
 harmful things,
such
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 as negative peer pressure. For
istance
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instance
,
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in
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 recent study by the
university
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University
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 of London 80% of
children
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 who spend their
time
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 with their families become more disciplined compared to those who engage predominantly with peers.
On the other hand
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, some believe that keeping
children
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 away from broader social interactions might hinder their ability to develop important life skills. Interacting with diverse social groups helps
children
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 improve their communication skills, form friendships, and handle challenging social situations.
For instance
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,
children
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 involved in team sports or group activities often gain leadership abilities and self-confidence, which are crucial for future success.
Additionally
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, spending
time
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 with peers allows
children
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 to explore their hobbies, enjoy recreational activities, and develop a sense of independence. A recent study by the National Child Development Association found that
children
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 who balance family
time
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 with peer interactions tend to be more resilient and adaptable in adulthood. Ultimately, the examples and arguments given
i
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I
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 think
children
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 should spend their
time
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 with both family and friends in a balanced way, not too much with one, not too little with the other.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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language
Make sure to proofread your work to catch and correct minor typographical errors, such as 'escapde' which should be 'escape', and 'istances', which should be 'instances'.
development
Try to further develop your main points with more detailed examples or explanations. While the points are clear, adding more depth could enhance your essay.
task achievement
You've provided a balanced discussion of both views and have given a clear opinion at the end of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident with clear paragraphs discussing both sides and a conclusion that states your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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