IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Some jobs are suitable for Men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The debate over
gender
Use synonyms
-specific job suitability has persisted for decades in modern society.
While
Linking Words
 there may be some inherent biological and psychological differences between men and women that could potentially influence certain career paths, I firmly believe that individual skills, comprehensive training, and personal qualities are far more important determinants of professional success than
gender
Use synonyms
 alone. Admittedly, certain biological and psychological differences between genders may create natural advantages in specific professional fields. We need to consider the difference in physical capabilities, communication styles, and risk assessment approaches.
For example
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, the demanding physical requirements of construction work,
such
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 as heavy lifting and manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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, or the emotional intelligence needed for
nursing
Punctuation problem
nursing,
show examples
 may align with typical
gender
Use synonyms
 characteristics.
Additionally
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, research suggests that men and women may approach problem-solving and decision-making differently in workplace environments.
However
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, these
generalizations
Change the spelling
generalisations
show examples
 have significant limitations and should not determine career choices.
Nevertheless
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, individual qualifications and personal attributes are far more reliable indicators of job performance than
gender
Use synonyms
 stereotypes. In modern society,
due to
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 social equality movements, employer starts to focus on individual variation
instead
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 of
gender
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 stereotypes.
In addition
Linking Words
, the training course can overcome physical gaps and provide qualifications.
For instance
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, female engineers like aerospace pioneer Mary Jackson, or male nurses who provide excellent patient care, demonstrate how that passion and competence transcend
gender
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 expectations. In conclusion,
while
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 some
gender
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-based differences may exist, they should not determine career suitability. A more equitable approach focuses on individual merit, allowing people to pursue careers based on their unique talents and interests rather than limiting them to
gender
Use synonyms
-stereotyped roles.

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task response
Your view is clear and you answer the task well. To raise the score, give more strong details for each point and add a short counter-arg and a small refute.
coherence
Link ideas more clearly. Use simple joins to help ideas fit together in each paragraph and use clear linking words.
coherence
Add more facts or real examples and explain them well. Aim to show why each point is true.
style
Keep sentences short and break long lines. This will make the work easier to read and understand.
strength
Clear stance against gender bias in jobs.
strength
Good use of one real example (Mary Jackson) to show merit.
strength
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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