IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lives #celebrities #media
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The debate surrounding the intrusion of
celebrities
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' private
lives
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 by the
media
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 remains a contentious issue.
While
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 some argue for transparency and the public's
right
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 to know, I firmly believe that the
media
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 should exercise restraint and respect the
privacy
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 of famous individuals.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons behind
this
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 perspective.
To begin
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 with, it's essential to acknowledge that
celebrities
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, like anyone else, have a
right
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 to personal
privacy
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. Public figures, despite their fame, are entitled to moments of solitude and personal relationships outside the glare of the
media
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 spotlight. The
media
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's invasive coverage often crosses ethical boundaries, leading to instances of harassment, stalking, and emotional distress for
celebrities
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 and their families. Respect for
privacy
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 is a fundamental human
right
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, and it is vital that we extend
this
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right
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 to famous individuals as well.
Furthermore
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, the relentless scrutiny of
celebrities
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' private
lives
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 can have detrimental effects on society. Incessant
media
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 coverage tends to sensationalize and distort reality, creating unrealistic standards of success and beauty. The impact of
this
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 on the general public, especially on impressionable young minds, cannot be underestimated. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, body image issues, and unhealthy comparisons, exacerbating social anxieties.
While
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 it's argued that the
media
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's role is to inform the public, there must be a balance between public interest and individual
privacy
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.
Celebrities
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, like all citizens, deserve protection from unwarranted intrusion, ensuring their mental and emotional well-being.
Additionally
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,
this
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 approach would contribute to a more responsible and ethical
media
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 culture. In conclusion, the intrusion into
celebrities
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' private
lives
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 by the
media
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 should be curtailed to protect individual rights, maintain ethical standards, and safeguard the well-being of society. Striking a balance between public interest and private
lives
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 is paramount to achieving a more equitable and compassionate
media
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 landscape.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is organized very well: the introduction and conclusion are present and clear, the body paragraphs are cohesive and logically structured. However, it's advisable to link them with more coherence markers to ensure an even reading flow.
Task Achievement
You presented very clear, detailed, and relevant responses to the prompt. Your position was clear and maintained throughout the text. Though, it could be improved by giving even more specific examples, relating them to real-world instances. Include more specific and practical examples to reinforce your argument.
Lexical Resource
Your lexical resource is impressive. You've used a varied range of vocabulary, supplying the reader with detailed and explicit information, which is great. However, be mindful of overusing complex words, as this can obscure clarity.
Grammatical Range
Your grammatical range is quite good and you have successfully used a mix of simple and complex sentences. There are very few noticeable errors, but refining your grammar could lead to an even better score. Review some grammar structures to ensure you are expressing your ideas in the most effective way.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Media scrutiny
  • Public persona
  • Personal autonomy
  • Sensationalism
  • Paparazzi
  • Tabloid journalism
  • Right to privacy
  • Mental well-being
  • Public interest
  • Ethical journalism
  • Celebrity culture
  • Gossip columns
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