IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

.You have joined a new job recently. Write to your friend about your new job. In your letter •describe the reason for quitting the previous job •show your excitement for a new job and other details •say about your salary package

#job #friend #•describe #reason #•show #excitement #•say #salary #package
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Dear Tajinder, I hope you are doing great. I'm writing
this
 letter to inform you that I am starting a new job at Toronto at Proactive company and my position is human resource generalist. I started my work
last
 week which is really exciting for me. Let me explain to you the reason for resigning from
a
Change the word
my
show examples
 previous job.
Although
 I had a good salary at my
last
 warehouse where the environment was not so friendly. Most of the workers demotivated other employees and there was no increase in the incentives from the
last
 two years.
Therefore
, I decided to change my work and find a better opportunity. I'm very excited about the current role as it is my passion to hire individuals
according to
 their skills and
also
 got 70,000$ annualy package which is far better than the
last
 one. I'll give you the treat and we meet soon
this
 weekend. Best wishes, Love
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

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Coherence Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your letter follows a clear logical structure. Start with an introductory paragraph, followed by body paragraphs that focus on one idea each, and a concluding paragraph. Aim to have smooth transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
Task Achievement
To improve your task response score, ensure that you address all aspects of the task prompt fully. In your letter, you mention your excitement and salary package but do not go into details about the duties at your new job or the reason why this opportunity is better, other than salary. Provide more specific examples and explanations.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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