IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Food can be produced much more cheaply with the use of improved fertilizers and better machinery However some methods may be dangerous for human health and have negative effect on local communities To what extent do you think its disadvantages over weigh

#food #fertilizers #machinery #methods #health #effect #communities
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In
this
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 day and age, the economic effect makes people in societies need to save money
hence
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, they are more concerned about the price of the material individuals will choose the cheapest price especially,
food
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 because the essential things that have to consumption in every day.
In addition
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, cheap
food
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 has a dangerous process which is low-quality
fertilizers
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 or
machinery
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. In my perspective, perspective the most dangerous is the first step of producing
food
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 like
fertilizers
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.
To begin
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 with,
fertilizers
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 are the cycle of
food
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 which is a component of growing plants and vegetables that humans and livestock eat;
therefore
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, it impacts the physical health of either humans or livestock. In fact, the chemistry in
fertilizers
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 helps plants grow fast in a short time,
although
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, it can save time to produce it reduces the quality of
food
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 leading to physical health issues for consumers
such
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 as stomach
cancer
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, liver
cancer
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, or gastrointestinal infection. Alternatively, the method and
machinery
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 produce
food
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also
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 have drawbacks to physical health;
in particular
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,
cancer
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 several doctors are concerned about the statistic of
cancer
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 caused by
food
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 from the factory that
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
 low
qualities
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 of
machinery
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,
moreover
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, numerous analyze the claim that the greatest factor of stomach
cancer
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 is from cheapy
food
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 made in low
qualities
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 factory that it not up to the standard of
machinery
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.
To sum up
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, both reasons
also
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 harmed humans, but the fact that lack
qualities
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 can be proven by
food
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 organization and close it but the
fertilizers
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 it very hard to control the
qualities
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 of owing to it have a lot of dangerous chemistry in it.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating clearer and more cohesive transitions between different points in your essay to enhance the overall flow and readability.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the main issues you will discuss, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your key arguments.
Task Achievement
You present a clear viewpoint regarding the dangers related to fertilizers and machinery in food production.
Task Achievement
You attempt to discuss both fertilizers and machinery which contributes to a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay concludes with a summary, highlighting the grave concerns about the quality of fertilizers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • fertilizers
  • biodiversity
  • monoculture
  • yield
  • pesticides
  • industrial agriculture
  • contamination
  • ecosystem
  • profit margins
  • traditional farming
  • efficiency
  • health hazards
  • economic advantages
  • local economies
  • environmental impact
  • genetic modification
  • soil depletion
  • water contamination
  • public health
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