Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

A large number of patients replaced visiting a doctor with
alternative
medicines
and
treatments
. In my opinion, it is a negative development causing huge problems.
To begin
, there are causes of why
people
would try these
alternative
medicines
instead
of visiting their usual doctor.
Firstly
, clinics and hospitals are expensive that's why patients might try ways to treat themselves other than visiting a doctor.
Secondly
, some
people
believe that natural remedies are better than all the chemicals in medicine.
To sum up
, cost and beliefs are
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
of why
people
might try
alternative
medicines
and
treatments
. I believe that
alternative
medicines
and
treatments
are negative developments as they can lead to bigger problems.
Furthermore
, patients can't diagnose themselves at home
whereas
, doctors use hospital equipment
such
as x-rays, urinalysis, and hemolysis.
Moreover
, in most
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
natural remedies do not work better than clinically tested medicine and are
FDA approved
Add a hyphen
FDA-approved
show examples
.
In addition
,
alternative
medicine can cause side effects. Some chronic diseases,
for example
, diabetes are treated with insulin which has no
alternative
.
Finally
,
alternative
medicines
and
treatments
are negative developments causing problems in diagnosis, effectiveness of treatment, and side effects. In conclusion, I think that
alternative
medicines
and
treatments
such
as natural remedies are negative developments.
However
, there are reasons why
people
might go for them, but these reasons are not more important than the patient's health.
Submitted by lamahejoury on

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task achievement
You have addressed the main argument effectively, explaining both the reasons why some people prefer alternative medicines and your position on the matter. However, providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points would enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and transitions between the paragraphs are mostly smooth. However, introduction of more signaling words and advanced cohesion techniques would keep the reader engaged and make transitions even stronger.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a balanced overview of the issue, setting a clear position that is developed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
You maintain a logical structure that is easy to follow. Each paragraph builds upon the previous one and supports your overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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