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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Now a lot of people in colleges are doing academic studies. We should encourage them to learn vocational skills (like plumbing). Do you agree or disagree?

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In our modern day and age, young people seek core academic specialities in
university
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 to provide themselves with better future career opportunities. Some social bodies argue that manual skills and carftships
such
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 as carpentering, plumbing and mechanics should be taught in universities. I believe the decision to choose a major in tertiary education should be based solely on the student's wishes and talents. In
this
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 essay, I will give my opinion on
this
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 topic. Nowadays, the work market is highly demanding and most
university
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 students gravitate toward choosing a career path which has a rewarding future in their personal and professional lives.
For example
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, 75% of high-school graduates choose either engineering, law or Medical-related specialities because these majors are associated with higher social status and are thought to be financially profitable.
Moreover
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, most youngsters are pressured by their parents to study these majors at
university
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.
However
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, remarkable scientists who had passion and excellence in their domain, have changed our lives. Most discoveries in physics and advances in technology were made by people who thrived in academic environments and loved experimenting with new things.
However
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,
while
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 academic studies are appealing to most members of society, other crafts and manual jobs
such
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 as carpentering, plumbing, cooking and tailoring are important and every neighbourhood needs a professional in
such
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 jobs.
Furthermore
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, an article in the New York Financial Times reported that an organized plumbing business has an estimated annual income of 450,000$ which is three times higher than the income of a nurse or a civil-right lawyer.
In addition
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,
such
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 jobs are passed down from one generation to another in a family which makes it more about family and heritage than just a paid job. In conclusion, choosing an educational path in
university
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 should be based on the student's own wishes and desires. Families and educational figures should provide advice and guidance to young people to help them make the best choice for their future careers.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments, such as mentioning initiatives in specific colleges or countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next by using transition words and phrases, enhancing the overall coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
Further elaborate on your points, adding depth and breadth to the discussion about vocational skills compared to academic studies.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your perspective on the topic.
Task Achievement
You bring a balanced view by highlighting the significance of both academic studies and vocational skills.
Task Achievement
You include some relevant statistics and examples, particularly the mention of financial statistics from the New York Financial Times.
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