IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that the primary purpose of education is to help individuals become useful members of society, while others think it is about achieving personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #purpose #education #individuals #members #society #ambitions
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Nowadays
education
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 is the most important thing
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life. Many
people
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 believe that learned
people
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 are very useful for
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
Use synonyms
society
Change preposition
of society
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
education
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 can open the door for personal development and achieving dreams. In my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
education
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 is more useful for
society
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Firstly
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 only educated
people
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 can be useful for
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
society
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 and
also
Linking Words
 they can change their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
better
Correct article usage
the better
show examples
 because learned
people
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 easily find their place in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 and they lead the remaining uneducated black workers and they can show their talents to other countries and
Correct your spelling
introduces
introduce
introduses
Correct your spelling
introduce
 their country to the world and gain great respect in the
society
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 and
also
Linking Words
education
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 has to improve the welfare local
people
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 in the
society
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 On the one
hand
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hand,
show examples
 every
person's
Change noun form
person
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 has their childhood and they have to study for their goal.
As a result
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,
this
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 helped them to find good and high pay
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they begin to achieve their dreams and
this
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also
Linking Words
 increases personal development.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 some humans can achieve personal goals without
education
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 because they have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 way
for earn
Change preposition
of earning
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 money
any
Correct your spelling
and
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 they do not give up. To sum
education
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 should be a part of life and it can be beneficial for achieving personal
ambitious
Replace the word
ambitions
show examples
 but not more than
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main point that is fully developed and supported with examples or explanations. This will help improve the coherence and clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more balanced arguments for each perspective. While you presented both views, the explanation could be more detailed with specific examples to make your points stronger.
Introduction/Conclusion
Make sure to address both views equally and relate them to your opinion clearly throughout the essay. Your conclusion should clearly summarize the main points discussed.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the discussion on the purpose of education.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both views regarding the purpose of education, which is a good start to answering the task question fully.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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