IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most importance aim of science should be to improve peoples lives to what extent do you agree os disagree with this statements

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It is undeniable that the advancement of
science
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 and technology is having a major impact in various ways. Some
people
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 believe that the play crucial role of
science
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 is get better
people
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’s lives. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
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 topic and my reason will be present in
this
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 essay. Nowadays, The rapid spread of new
science
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 can impact everything, some
people
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 argue that
this
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 development ought to be environmental and biodiversity because if the world faces problems with air, water, and wind pollution, it will result for
people
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such
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 as diseases and living areas.
Furthermore
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, Animals or plants that are not cared for will have a wide-ranging impact on biodiversity causing many
people
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 to lose food, clean water, and medicine.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 think that technology developed by scientists plays a significant role in making life easier.
Firstly
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, Electric cars are more widely used since they do not emit exhaust fumes, and they have the potential to reduce urban pollution. It has a positive effect on the air that humans breathe.
Secondly
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, mobile phones are widely used in almost all countries of the world and have become a part of our daily lives, which allows us to communicate
although
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 we live far apart.
Besides
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people
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 can spend time working and studying online.
Moreover
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, In many countries, buying online has become a mainstream activity. It is a great way for
people
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 who cannot shop in the convenience shops or the malls.
In addition
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,
Science
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 has invented robots to assist humans in various fields, whether it is, house chores, serving food, or being a driver. In conclusion, the improvement of
science
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 is a vital part of making human life better, which affects other aspects as well.

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Coherence/Cohesion
Ensure more fluid transitions between paragraphs for improved coherence.
Task Achievement
Elaborate on main points with more detailed examples and reasoning.
Coherence/Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, appropriately framing the discussion.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses different viewpoints on the role of science, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • technological advancements
  • living standards
  • environmental science
  • renewable energy
  • climate change
  • ethical dimension
  • theoretical physics
  • space exploration
  • practical applications
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