It has become very common for people to borrow money. Most people have a Credit Card, a mortgage and often they will buy a car on credit as well. Is this a good idea is it too risky? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is true that many
people
Use synonyms
prefer to borrow
money
Use synonyms
to buy some things rather than
use
Use synonyms
their
money
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. These days, there are several
solutions
Use synonyms
to borrowing
money
Use synonyms
that apply more easily than before and banks around the world publish
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Credit
Use synonyms
cards and
applied
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
other
solutions
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
in the world
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
like to
use
Use synonyms
these apply payment methods rather than apply their
money
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, these
solutions
Use synonyms
can cause many problems for them. As I have said before, these
solutions
Use synonyms
are not well for them. Especially, for those whom someone does not have
money
Use synonyms
but insist hard to buying something with a
credit
Use synonyms
card
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
if they pay with a
credit
Use synonyms
card
Use synonyms
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they have to
Use synonyms
use
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
credit
Use synonyms
card
Use synonyms
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the other time.
Thus
Linking Words
, it will be burdened for them in the future and
this
Linking Words
is not good for sustainability.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in my religion, these
solutions
Use synonyms
should not be used. It is because applying the system in
credit
Use synonyms
cards is not clear
such
Linking Words
as the amount of
money
Use synonyms
borrowed and the returned is different.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these
solutions
Use synonyms
can help
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
to get many benefits from payment using
credit
Use synonyms
cards. At
this
Linking Words
moment, the bank central and many sellers work together to release many profit to those who someone apply want to
use
Use synonyms
the
credit
Use synonyms
card
Use synonyms
and for whom someones share about it.
That is
Linking Words
why, it will be helpful for them. In summary, one of the most popular
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
methods of payment is a
credit
Use synonyms
card
Use synonyms
and almost all
people
Use synonyms
have to
use
Use synonyms
it.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I believe a
credit
Use synonyms
card
Use synonyms
can be a burden for them but it will depend if they can be used
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to apply objective goods
such
Linking Words
as to get
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefits.
Submitted by millionmiles.indonesia on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on making the argument clearer by organizing the points more logically and by linking them effectively with cohesive devices. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetition of words and phrases like 'apply' which sometimes seems misplaced in the context. Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Expand on the points made to make the argument more comprehensive. Currently, the points are mentioned but not developed with examples or further explanations.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to provide a clear opinion and side on the issue of borrowing money and using credit cards, which is good for task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which shows understanding of the essay format.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compelled
  • strategic financial decision
  • investing
  • property
  • cash flow
  • rewards programs
  • debt trap
  • servicing debt
  • exacerbate
  • financial strain
  • cycle of debt
  • personal responsibility
  • financial literacy
  • informed decisions
  • excessive borrowing
  • ill-informed borrowing
  • financial planning
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