It is crucial to teach children in the right direction at an early age, some individuals suggest punishment is a potential tool for helping them learn effectively, I strongly agree with this notion. In the following paragraphs, the advantages and possible types of punishments will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.

#children #right #direction #age #individuals #punishment #tool #notion #paragraphs #punishments #detail #conclusion

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Parenthood is one aspect of life that sometimes can be overlooked, the teaching in their childhood can affect how they would be in their adulthood. So using punishment as the tool to make Children

Correct article usage

apply

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decent

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

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in the following years is an acceptable choice. But punishment can

also

Linking Words

be a

Double edged

Add a hyphen

Double-edged

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Sword because if

you

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you are

you were

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overdone

Wrong verb form

overdo

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it, it can lead the child to become

even

Correct article usage

an even

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worse person than they already

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are

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That is

Linking Words

why

Change the capitalization

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will give my perspective

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the matter so that the punishment will meet the hope of why that action itself was taken. I

advice

Replace the word

advise

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

you to

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not hurt your children physically because in some places it can be counted as Physical abuse,

instead

Linking Words

you can punish them

with

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show examples

taking their

right

Fix the agreement mistake

rights

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away from the thing they like and

lock

Wrong verb form

locking

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them in the bedroom, but remember

too

Correct your spelling

show examples

talk and explain to them why you

tahe

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take

this

Linking Words

course of action. the

last

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part is important

beacuse

Correct your spelling

because

if you just punish them without explaining things to them there is a big chance that they

would

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will

show examples

not

understant

Correct your spelling

understand

and

instead

Linking Words

will just despise you without getting their lessons.

Submitted by millionmiles.indonesia on Wed Nov 13 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction needs to clearly state your main argument or viewpoint more explicitly. Although slightly repetitive, it fails to outline the specific points you will discuss.

Task Response

Ensure the essay remains focused on the prompt. Here, more examples and reasons would bolster the argument, ensuring each idea is satisfactorily explored and insightful examples help illustrate points.

Coherence & Cohesion

Consider providing a concluding paragraph that succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the thesis, enhancing clarity and cohesion.

Task Response

It would be beneficial to develop specific examples to strengthen points made about the types/effects of punishment on children.

Task Response

Your essay contains some thought-provoking ideas on the impact of punishment within parenting, providing a balanced view on a complex matter.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure in terms of paragraphs is generally organized, making it easier for readers to follow your line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

190 words

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Include an introduction and conclusion

In the modern world, more and more emphasis is being placed on the acquisition of practical skills rather than knowledge from text books or other sources. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

Some people think it is better for people to change their career at least once in their life and do a different kind of jobs. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this becom a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.

Students in some countries leave school without good understanding of how to manage their money. What do you think are the reasons? What are the solutions to this problem?