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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents believe that students must work hard at school and spend their free time learning their school lessons, while others believe that students need to spend their free time playing and developing other skills. With which opinion do you agree? Use spesific reasons to support your opinion.

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In modern education, there is a divide among parents about how
students
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 should spend their free time. Some believe in focusing on academics,
while
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 others argue that leisure and skill development outside school are equally important. I agree with the latter view, as I believe that pursuing hobbies and
activities
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 can help
students
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 grow and improve their well-being. First of all, allowing
students
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 time to relax is crucial for their mental health. Studies show that too much academic pressure can cause stress and burnout. When
students
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 are encouraged to take part in hobbies or simply rest, they can unwind and refresh their minds.
This
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 break helps them come back to their studies with more focus and energy.
Therefore
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, promoting relaxation is key to keeping
students
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 mentally healthy and improving their attitude toward learning.
In addition
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, extracurricular
activities
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 help
students
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 develop important life skills that they might not learn in the classroom.
For example
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, playing sports or learning an instrument can teach teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving. These skills are important for life outside of school and can prepare
students
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 for the challenges they will face in the future. By allowing
students
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 to explore different
activities
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 in their free time
and
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apply
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they can become more adaptable and well-rounded. In conclusion,
while
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 academic success is important, it should not come at the expense of relaxation and personal development. Encouraging
students
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 to pursue their interests outside school helps them stay mentally healthy and builds valuable skills for life. A balance between schoolwork and personal
activities
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 is essential for the
overall
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 growth of
students
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.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points effectively. For instance, you could mention particular sports or instruments and the benefits they bring in terms of skill development.
coherence and cohesion
While the structure is generally good, ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the main argument with a little more transition vocabulary. This will help enhance the flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position and outlines the topic well, setting a strong foundation for your essay.
task achievement
Your points about mental health and skill development are relevant and thoughtfully considered, indicating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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