IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some young people are leaving countryside to live in cities or towns it leaves only old people in countryside. what are the problems of this issue? what can be done to solve this problem?

#people #countryside #cities #towns
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In
this
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 present day, migration is
one
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 of the heated
topic
Change to a plural noun
topics
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.
Specially
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Especially
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, younger generations are migrating from urban areas to big cities or towns leaving only older people behind in the village. The principal problems caused by
this
Linking Words
 move out are lack of young workforce in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
burden
Add an article
a burden
the burden
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 on older parents, and two possible solutions are
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
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 employment
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and better
education
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 system policies by the government. In my opinion, there are two main problems caused by
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of
youngsters
Use synonyms
 move from
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 to cities, there will be
scarcity
Add an article
a scarcity
the scarcity
show examples
 of
worforce
Correct your spelling
workforce
 in different industries like hospitality, retail and factories.
For instance
Linking Words
,
one
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 of the oldest cafe
shop
Change to a plural noun
shops
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australia's
countryside
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 was closed
permanatly
Correct your spelling
permanently
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of staff and workforce in the suburb.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will instantly cause
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
show examples
 to the parents of
youngsters
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 who moved out both financially and emotionally.
However
Linking Words
, there are two possible solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 situation.
One
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 way is to introduce frequent employment
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 with
good
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a good
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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, which could motivate
yound
Correct your spelling
young
 people to stay in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. Another way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is
introducing
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to introduce
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better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
education
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 system
as
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by
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 building good universities offering
scholorships
Correct your spelling
scholarships
.
One
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 of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters
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 moving to bigger cities is for better
education
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Youngsters
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 moving out for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
education
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 and lifestyle are causing
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 burden on older
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 and the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should introduce better policies in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by ashmamrzn on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed in sufficient depth. While the essay identifies problems and solutions, more in-depth examples and explanations would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the clarity and conciseness of ideas. Ensure that sentences clearly convey the intended meaning, taking care to avoid repetitive language or slightly off-topic explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The thesis statement is present, clearly outlining the problems and solutions to be discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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