It is a better for student to live away from the home during their University studies rather than staying with their parents to what extent do you agree or disagree

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Nowadays, more and more
students
prefer to live away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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home
during their
University
studies
instead
of staying with their parents. In my
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
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, I'm more supportive of
students
staying away from
home
during their college years. There are many advantages to attending college away from parents.
Firstly
, people grow up in their hometown,
staying
Correct word choice
and staying
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away from
home
can expand their horizons.
Secondly
,
Through
Change preposition
By
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living in a strange
city
,
students
will learn
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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custom
Fix the agreement mistake
customs
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which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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different from their hometown.
students
could learn more knowledge in
the
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apply
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life
,
such
as how to cook plenty of delicious food, how to wash their clothes cleanly and how to deal with difficult problems by oneself. If
students
stay with their parents, they will live like a baby who will be taken after well. What's more, I think every
city
has its special
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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,
students
could change their mode of
life
by
change
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changing
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their
University
study places if they are bored with the old way of
life
, it will be a good "escape".
Last
but not least, I encourage
student
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a student
the student
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who lives in the small town far away from
home
to study in the big
city
. Generally speaking,
student
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students
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will begin to work after
university
, it's necessary to accumulate
connection
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connections
show examples
in the
university
.
Big
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The big
show examples
city
indicates more chance. All in all, studying far away from
home
can increase student's knowledge, exercise their ability, and bring more opportunities. That's why I think
students
should stay away from
home
during their college years.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task response
Include more specific examples to support your points.
coherence
Ensure logical transitions between paragraphs to improve flow.
cohesion
Clarify some of your ideas to make them more comprehensible.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion.
task response
The essay addresses the task prompt effectively with clear support for the writer's opinion.
task response
The essay showcases an understanding of the benefits of living away from home, such as gaining independence and learning new skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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