IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Question: Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

#children #amount #time #sports #support
To avoid drugs, alcoholic drinks and other harmful habits, parents prefer to invest their money in
sports
 for their
children
 and the idea
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to guarantee their
children
's
future
 lives. Despite the negative side,
such
 as not focusing on their careers, living longer life can be discussed as a plus side.
While
children
 want to more become fit than other people who are the same age, disturbing their
future
 career goals and sometimes
this
 issue becomes more significant when they are stuck in it, even family members can not figure out
this
 problem.
According to
 Oxford University, research shows that the results of
children
 who went to schools and different kinds of
sports
 had declined by 6,8% in 2019, compared to 2018.
On the other hand
, as a positive factor training in
sports
 can be beneficial for younger generations' lives. Stabilizing nutrition, balancing sleep time, and other productive things can play a major role in their
future
 healthy life. The Statistical Committee of the United States proved that after check-up treatments the body healthiness level in a community that regularly does
sports
 is better than people who do not practice
sports
. In conclusion, every aspect should be considered before deciding to do
sports
 and parents should be aware of all these plus and cons sides. Responsibilities of families are more essential and especially, stories of
future
 generations depend on family members.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the transitions between paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your line of argument more smoothly. Consider using linking words and phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition'.
task achievement
In terms of task response, ensure that each point you make directly addresses the question and is tied back to the overall topic. Use more varied examples to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
For task achievement, try to delve deeper into both the advantages and disadvantages. This will provide a more balanced discussion and show your ability to evaluate both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and help shape the essay effectively, with a strong focus on the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents valid points on both sides of the argument, demonstrating a thoughtful consideration of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: