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Writing Samples
Band 6

The following bar chart shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

The following bar chart shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.
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The bar graph illustrates three methods of travelling to work and back
to
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home in 1960,1980 and 2001 in Europe.
Overall
Linking Words
, travelling by car to the office and home was seen in the
year
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 2000,
while
Linking Words
people
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 preferred the bus for travelling during the
year
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 1980 and in 1960 the majority of the public used to reach
to
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their offices by walking. During 1960, the majority of the public used to travel to their workplace by walking which was 37% in total.
While
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,
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 travelling via bikr and busses remained between 15-30%.
People
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 in 1960, travelled least by card, which was up to 5%. The mode of transportation in 1980, was mainly via busses and cars, which were approximately 25% and up to 22%. In comparison
to
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bikes and feet,
which
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were preferred least among them. In the
year
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 2000,
due to
Linking Words
 advancements in
the
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technology,
people
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 started travelling in their own cars which were 40% of all other transportation modes.
While
Linking Words
 more than 15% of the
people
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 kept travelling to their homes and offices, on their feet. Only up to 5% of the public travelled by bike in the
year
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 2000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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