The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this To what extent do you agree?
The
government
should allocate funding for Use synonyms
health
to make sure their Use synonyms
people
are healthier. In fact, I personally agree with those who feel that Use synonyms
government
funding for disease Use synonyms
prevention
is more necessary than for Use synonyms
medicine
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
prevention
of Use synonyms
health
issues can help reduce Use synonyms
health
insurance costs in a country. Countries which have many low-income individuals often cause Use synonyms
medicine
costs because many Use synonyms
people
suffer from poor nutrition Use synonyms
lack
access to clean drinking water. Correct word choice
and lack
Additionally
, when Linking Words
people
in a country are healthy, they will rarely need Use synonyms
medicine
, allowing the Use synonyms
government
to reduce spending on Use synonyms
medicine
. Use synonyms
This
shows that the healthier Linking Words
people
are in a country, the less Use synonyms
medicine
funding the Use synonyms
government
Use synonyms
need
to allocate for medical treatment. Change the verb form
needs
Therefore
, by focusing on the Linking Words
prevention
of Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
problems
and illness, countries can manage Use synonyms
health
insurance expenses more effectively.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, Linking Words
prevention
of Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
problems
can make Use synonyms
people
more prosperous. It is well-known that when we are suffering from illness, we need money to buy vitamins and drugs. Use synonyms
Moreover
, when someone is sick, they may experience both Linking Words
physic
and mental. Replace the word
physical
For instance
, if employees are sick for an extended period, they risk losing their jobs which can cause financial Linking Words
problems
dueUse synonyms
a
lack of income. Change preposition
to a
This
illustrates that Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
problems
can impact financial well-being. The healthier Use synonyms
people
are, the more prosperous their lives can be. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
Use synonyms
prevention
of Correct article usage
the prevention
health
Use synonyms
problems
is an essential factor in enhancing Use synonyms
people
's prosperity.
In conclusion, preventing Use synonyms
health
issues can help the Use synonyms
government
to reduce Use synonyms
health
costs and enhance the prosperity of their citizen. I, Use synonyms
therefore
, remain firmly convinced that allocating funding for disease Linking Words
prevention
is more beneficial than focusing primarily on medical treatment.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the prompt, focusing clearly on prevention versus treatment. Include more specific examples or data to support your points more robustly.
coherence and cohesion
Add a bit more detail in your main points to connect ideas more vividly. Consider examples that specifically illustrate how prevention improves health outcomes.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. You maintain a consistent focus throughout.
coherence and cohesion
The arguments are logical and well supported by your reasoning. The transition between paragraphs is smooth, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example