The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government

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The

government

should allocate funding for

health

to make sure their

people

are healthier. In fact, I personally agree with those who feel that

government

funding for disease

prevention

is more necessary than for

medicine

Firstly

prevention

health

issues can help reduce

health

insurance costs in a country. Countries which have many low-income individuals often cause

medicine

costs because many

people

suffer from poor nutrition

lack

Correct word choice

and lack

show examples

access to clean drinking water.

Additionally

, when

people

in a country are healthy, they will rarely need

medicine

, allowing the

government

to reduce spending on

medicine

This

shows that the healthier

people

are in a country, the less

medicine

funding the

government

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to allocate for medical treatment.

Therefore

, by focusing on the

prevention

health

problems

and illness, countries can manage

health

insurance expenses more effectively.

Secondly

prevention

health

problems

can make

people

more prosperous. It is well-known that when we are suffering from illness, we need money to buy vitamins and drugs.

Moreover

, when someone is sick, they may experience both

physic

Replace the word

physical

show examples

and mental.

For instance

, if employees are sick for an extended period, they risk losing their jobs which can cause financial

problems

due

Change preposition

to a

show examples

lack of income.

This

illustrates that

health

problems

can impact financial well-being. The healthier

people

are, the more prosperous their lives can be.

Therefore

prevention

Correct article usage

the prevention

show examples

health

problems

is an essential factor in enhancing

people

's prosperity. In conclusion, preventing

health

issues can help the

government

to reduce

health

costs and enhance the prosperity of their citizen. I,

therefore

, remain firmly convinced that allocating funding for disease

prevention

is more beneficial than focusing primarily on medical treatment.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Wed Nov 13 2024

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task achievement

Your essay responds well to the prompt, focusing clearly on prevention versus treatment. Include more specific examples or data to support your points more robustly.

coherence and cohesion

Add a bit more detail in your main points to connect ideas more vividly. Consider examples that specifically illustrate how prevention improves health outcomes.

coherence and cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. You maintain a consistent focus throughout.

coherence and cohesion

The arguments are logical and well supported by your reasoning. The transition between paragraphs is smooth, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this To what extent do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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