IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

#people #competition #work #school #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are too many stuff that we can do alone or with a team. Some people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that competition at
work
, at school or in daily life is
really
Correct article usage
a really
show examples
 good thing.
Whereas
, others think, you must cooperate more to reach
a great results
Correct the article-noun agreement
great results
a great result
show examples
. On the one hand, competition at
work
 has quite a lot of benefits.
Firstly
, in
Correct article usage
a competetive
show examples
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 both sides do their best.
Thus
, it can improve their own skills and productivity at
work
.
For instance
,
while
 you are trying to
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
 a better job than your opponent, you learn much new information and receive a valuable experience.
That is
 why,
such
 type of
work
 could bring much profit.
On the other hand
, the other point of view depicts that we should cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Basically, it has some crucial
advntages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 and
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in your
work
. The first thing is that cooperation can create a huge community.
According to
 the
proveb
Correct your spelling
proof
 "So many men, so many minds", you might
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
have more
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to create some
innovate
Replace the word
innovative
show examples
 projects with a team. The second most important reason is mental health. Usually, it is more comfortable to
work
 in a team, rather
in
Change preposition
than in
show examples
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 conditions. Ultimately, both sides have extremely crucial benefits and drawbacks. Summarizing all the provided facts, I could not say which way is the most appropriate. To my mind, it depends on the tasks that you need to complete. So, for ordinary tasks in our routine, it is better to have a balanced working process.
Submitted by strogiy2008 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the flow between different sections of the essay for better coherence.
task achievement
Avoid repeating similar ideas. Aim to introduce new points or explore new angles.
introduction conclusion present
You introduced the topic and provided both the perspectives, making it clear for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a structured format with clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: