IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development To what extent do you agree or disagree? 250 WORD

#children #school #teachers #influence #parents #development #word
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According to
Linking Words
 my comprehension, it is impossible to ignore the impact of both teachers and
parents
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 developing a
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 analytical ability, and social
moral
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morals
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 due
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child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
closely
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close
show examples
 absorb and listen their sayings
as well as
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curious
Add a missing verb
being curious
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 about
elders
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elders'
elder's
show examples
view
Correct subject-verb agreement
views
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 on
this
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 world. First and foremost, the home is
stepping
Correct article usage
a stepping
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 stone of a
babies
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baby's
show examples
 growth where they receive a preliminary education.
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Parents
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Parents'
Parent's
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 upbringing highly
influenced
Wrong verb form
influences
show examples
Use synonyms
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
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 mind
for instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 moral value
is highly depends
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highly depends
show examples
 on the mother’s education. Generally, children from educated
family
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families
show examples
 have
better
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a better
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 focus on studies
as well as
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better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 understanding
on
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of
show examples
 discipline, good manners and time management.
However
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, working
parents
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 can’t give proper time to the children;
thus
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 improving
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child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
(s) intellectual ability is quite difficult for them and have to highly depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
institual
Correct your spelling
institute
initial
instinctual
 education. In
additionaly
Correct your spelling
addition
, social
bond
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bonds
show examples
 are reduced in today’s world. In educational institutes, a
child
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meet
Correct subject-verb agreement
meets
show examples
 new people who have different qualities and
understaning
Correct your spelling
understanding
. As most of the students have similar
age
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ages
show examples
,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their behaviour is equally
impactly
Correct your spelling
impact
impacted
. So, it is significant for
a educations
Correct the article-noun agreement
education
show examples
 to promote good values and punish the naughty student.
Thus
Linking Words
, good
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
don’t
Verb problem
aren’t
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 impacted by them.
On the other hand
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, school is
major
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a major
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 platform where
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 obtain knowledge from different types of people who
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 them in
prozining
Correct your spelling
providing
 analytical
along with
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 learning ability. Teachers are the backbone of
societies
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society's
show examples
 development. In
other word
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another word
other words
show examples
,
educator
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educators
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 are
storage
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the storage
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house
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houses
show examples
 of knowledge, who constrain them
solving
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to solving
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 problems in different
approach
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approaches
show examples
 with each
methodelogy
Correct your spelling
methodology
,
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then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 learning pattern is improved.
Although
Linking Words
, students
spends
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spend
show examples
 most time with family members. They have
upper
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the upper
an upper
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 hand
of
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in
show examples
child
Use synonyms
evalution
Correct your spelling
evaluation
evolution
. To cap it all, teachers and
parents
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 are equally responsible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
molding
Change the spelling
moulding
show examples
 the
child
Use synonyms
’s career and behaviour.
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task response
Clarify the main argument and align the points consistently with the stance. The essay seems to fluctuate between ideas without a clear, coherent argument about whether teachers or parents have more influence.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your assertions. While you mention the roles of parents and teachers, examples are not very detailed or varied.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using linking words or phrases to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Focus on developing a more structured introduction and conclusion that clearly restate and evaluate your position on the topic.
task response
The essay touches on the significant roles of both teachers and parents, demonstrating an understanding of the topic's complexity.
coherence cohesion
There is a good attempt to explain how both home and school environments influence children's development.
task response
The language choice shows a good range of vocabulary necessary to discuss the topic, even if it wasn't always used accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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