IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology is now very common in many work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

#technology #work #places
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In today's world, new
technology
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 is employed in many
organisations
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. Depending on
technology
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 is always a debatable topic in conventional society.
This
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 essay will explore the
changed
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changes
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that occured
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occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in
offices'
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offices
show examples
due to
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 technological advancement and will discuss whether too much
relience
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reliance
 on
tecnology
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technology
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in more benefits or demerits. To commence with, The enhanced
technology
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 caused many
changed
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changes
show examples
 in conventional
work
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 processes in
organisations
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. First of all, it
enable
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enables
show examples
 to
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store
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storage
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 enormous amount of
data
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 and information in
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 small space and
due to
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this
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 feature
organisations
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 can reduce
their
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the
show examples
 cost and space used to
store
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data
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 and information.
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 terabytes of
data
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 can be stored in one hard disk nowadays, which
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
thousandas
Correct your spelling
thousands
 of files and hundreds of square metres of space to
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store
Verb problem
apply
show examples
store
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 the same in physical mode.
In addition
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, Using new
technology
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increase
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increases
show examples
efficiency
Correct article usage
the efficiency
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 of the
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work flow
Correct your spelling
workflow
show examples
.
Therefore
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,
organisations
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 can
increase
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 their production or services
,
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apply
show examples
 and will obtain more
profit
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.
For example
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, automating the food processing and packing allowed
Cocacola
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Coca-Cola
 company to
increase
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 their annual
profit
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 by 78%
whithin
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within
 one year.
Thus
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, it
it
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is
show examples
 obvious that
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of new
technology
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 was the main cause of conventional
work
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 methods. I do not believe that relying too much on
technology
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 will provide
diadvantages
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disadvantages
advantages
 to the office. Though
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this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
have
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has
show examples
 some trivial demerits, these can
be easily outweigh
Change the verb form
be easily outweighed
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 by
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of new
technology
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.
For example
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, the initial cost and
requist
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request
 of expert staff to
maintaine
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maintain
 the new systems can
be recover
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be recovered
show examples
 by the increased
profit
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 within
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 months.
Further
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,
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of
data
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 loss
due to
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 cyber crimes or any other errors can be reduced by
the
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apply
show examples
expert support and
using
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by using
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 proper precautions
such
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 as antivirus
softwares
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software
 and other
safty
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safety
 methods.
In contrast
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, enhanced access to information,
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Correct word choice
and increase
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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profit
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 can identified as prime
bebefits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 for the office.
On the other hand
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, it
reduce
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reduces
show examples
 the
paper
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paperwork
show examples
work
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, which leads to
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
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 in deforestation.
Due to
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this
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this,
show examples
 the environment will be protected and many endangered flora and fauna will be conserved. In conclusion, using new
technology
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 is common in many
organisations
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 at
the
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apply
show examples
present.
Due to
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 the high
data
Use synonyms
 storage capacity, and increased efficiency institutes will be able to gain more
profit
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. In my opinion, I do not agree that new
technology
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 provides demerits because
while
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 it has some minor adverse points
such
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 as
risk
Add an article
the risk
show examples
 of
data
Use synonyms
 loss and initial cost, many remedies are
avilable
Correct your spelling
available
 to overcome these issues.
Further
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, it is more eco-friendly.
Submitted by dmsangeeth on

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main points of how technology has changed the workplace and addresses the potential disadvantages. However, ensure that each point is fully developed with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent, some sentences could be more directly connected to enhance the flow of the essay. Consider using clear transition phrases to guide the reader through your points.
general
Be mindful of small language inaccuracies, such as spelling and grammar errors, which can affect how clearly your ideas are conveyed. It's beneficial to proofread your work for these minor mistakes.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the topic and summarizing your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have included specific examples, such as the Coca-Cola example, which help illustrate your points about technology's benefits.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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