IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays individual take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for a business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages on individual and on his/her family?

#business #trip
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Employees, who can afford to
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
go on abroad
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 trip with
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
show examples
 family are very
benefiting
Wrong verb form
benefited
show examples
 by
pleasure
Correct article usage
the pleasure
show examples
family
Change preposition
of family
show examples
 support and company.
However
Linking Words
, relatives may disturb
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 from
work
Use synonyms
 by manipulating ways. It is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 sign to be able to fly to another country with the reason of
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 trip of one of the family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way, other family members will be able to visit other countries more frequently and
also
Linking Words
  provide
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who is working with
Correct article usage
a comfortrable
show examples
comfortrable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 atmosphere.
For example
Linking Words
,
worker
Add an article
the worker
a worker
show examples
 may miss
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his wife, children, parents or other relatives, which may affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the working productivity and quality of the result.
Therefore
Linking Words
, workers have to be provided with care and
attantion
Correct your spelling
attention
 from the side of the family, which will have
Correct article usage
a possitive
show examples
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 impact on the working
tune
Correct your spelling
tone
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it has
also
Linking Words
 some negative sides. Family should not be near the workman during the
business
Use synonyms
vocation
Correct your spelling
vacation
show examples
. By couse of disturbing him from 
work
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if there are children of young ages,
workman
Add an article
the workman
show examples
 will not be able to concentrate on the projects,
due to
Linking Words
 noise. Or, members of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 can frequently be angry that he is not spending enough time with them, which may lead to some conflicts and problems. Because of
this
Linking Words
 reason,
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 and personal entertainment like family should be separated, if they would like to avoid some mental issues and crashing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides. In conclusion, in my point of view, it should be
line
Add an article
a line
show examples
, which is separating
work
Use synonyms
 from family.
Although
Linking Words
 family can help
employee
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
 to feel more confident and comfortable,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 he will not be able to
work
Use synonyms
 well and it will seem to
hime
Correct your spelling
him
 like a complex task.
That is
Linking Words
 why workers should go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 travels with only their
collagues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent structure throughout your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, contributing to the overall flow and coherence of your writing.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more detailed examples to support your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Work on expanding and explaining your ideas more thoroughly to make your arguments more comprehensive and easier for the reader to understand.
task achievement
You clearly identified both the advantages and disadvantages of taking family on a business trip, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which frame your ideas well and help in providing a complete response.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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