There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s world, young people are under significant pressure to succeed academically. Some people argue that non-academic

subjects

such

as physical

education

and cooking, should be removed from the school curriculum to allow

students

to focus more on academic

subjects

However

, others believe that these

subjects

play a valuable role in

education

This

essay will discuss both viewpoints.

Firstly

subjects

like physical

education

and cooking are equally important as

subjects

like science and mathematics, as they help

students

manage stress and achieve a balanced lifestyle. Physical

education

for example

, promotes physical health and fitness, which can improve concentration and reduce anxiety.

Additionally

, these

subjects

provide opportunities for

students

to discover talents and interests outside of traditional academics.

For instance

, professional athletes like Ronaldo achieved success through their skills in sports, which were nurtured through physical training.

On the other hand

, some parents feel that

students

should prioritize core academic

subjects

such

as science, math, and chemistry, to secure careers in competitive fields like engineering and medicine. Given the intense competition in these areas,

students

often feel pressured to excel academically, which can lead to stress and mental health issues. In conclusion,

while

academic

subjects

are essential for certain career paths, non-academic

subjects

also

contribute to

students

’

overall

development. I believe that a balanced approach, which includes both academic and non-academic

subjects

, is the most beneficial for

students

. It is likely that, in the future, more

students

will choose to pursue a variety of

subjects

to support their personal and professional growth.

Submitted by maha.wed on Thu Nov 14 2024

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task achievement

To increase clarity, consider adding more specific examples or case studies to support your points further, particularly on how extracurricular subjects contribute to career readiness.

coherence and cohesion

Try to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, perhaps by drawing clearer connections between non-academic benefits and their long-term effects on student success.

task achievement

The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, enhancing its task achievement.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a clear standpoint, which strengthens coherence and cohesion.

coherence and cohesion

There is a clear structure with distinct paragraphs discussing specific ideas, aiding in logical flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Fully explain your ideas

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If a person is found to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol while driving, they should be banned from driving for life, whether they were involved in an accident or not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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