IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many young people now know more about international pop and movies starts than famous people in the history of their countries. what are the causes? give solutions to increase the number of people to know about famous people in history

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There is no denying the fact that most young
people
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 are more interested in international pop and movies and overlook the
history
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 of previous famous
people
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 from their culture. The root factors of
this
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 situation,
along with
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 the strategies to address it, are undoubtedly complex;
nevertheless
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, tackling
this
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 issue is imperative for long-term progress.
This
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 essay will analyze the causes of
this
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 problem and suggest some possible solutions. The issue arises from a multitude of contributing factors, all of which play a critical role in its complexity.
To begin
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, perhaps the most significant cause of ignoring
history
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 is a lack of interest in that field.
In other words
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, nowadays, the majority of proportion tend to search about modern events
such
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 as new movies. The dull methods of publishing the greats'
history
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 do not attract others' attention,
therefore
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,
this
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 is another reason for limited knowledge about those famous
people
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. As there is no single factor behind the problem of ignoring previous famous
people
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, there is no one solution.
Firstly
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, changing the ways of representing their life is a key to growing children's interest in
history
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.
For instance
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, displaying Khaled Alakel's life, a Suadi famous person, as a movie is suitable to kids' requirements, so many young Saudis watched it.
Furthermore
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, organizing competitions between students at school is an effective solution.
As a result
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, competition with students encouraged them to search and develop their knowledge about who lived in the past.
To sum up
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, there is no easy solution to
this
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 difficult issue. To balance
this
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,
however
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, the most important step is for individuals and society as a whole to acknowledge the problem and be committed to finding beneficial solutions.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific historical examples from various cultures that align with the causes and solutions you mention. This can strengthen your argument and provide a more rounded perspective.
task achievement
Consider elaborating further on the role of modern technology and social media in the inclination of young people towards international pop culture, and how these platforms could be leveraged to promote historical awareness.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical flow from identifying the problem to suggesting solutions, maintaining a coherent structure.
task achievement
The narrative considers both causes and solutions, showcasing a balanced analysis of the issue.
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