IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do you believe that experimentation on animals for scientific purposes is justified? Are there any alternatives to animal experimentation?

#experimentation #animals #purposes #alternatives
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Animal
experimentation
 has been a relevant issue in our society. As it infringes
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 rights of several
animals
, animal rights groups have been campaigning
on ceasing
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to cease
show examples
 the use of
animals
 for
experimentation
.
This
 cruel practice has no justification, and it should be stopped.
Animals
 have been used in many industries, especially the medical and cosmetic industries, to
test
 their products for human use.
Although
 the intentions of these experiments are for the benefit of humans, creatures
such
 as mice have been exploited and tortured with chemicals and procedures.
Furthermore
, these activities often lead to irreversible injuries and/or deaths
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of
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to
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of
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 these
animals
.
Moreover
, many
animals
 are grown for the sole purpose of
experimentation
. An example of
this
 is when mice are grown to
test
 new medicines for pharmaceutical
companies
. These activities violate various ethical principles and disregard the rights of
animals
.
However
, many
companies
 opt to use
animals
 because they are convenient and
cost efficient
Add a hyphen
cost-efficient
show examples
.
Moreover
, the risk is less compared to testing on humans.
Nevertheless
, these reasons are not enough to justify the cruel treatment of
animals
. With the innovations and technologies available to us today,
companies
 should make an effort to research other ways to
test
 their products ethically.
For example
, artificial intelligence has made leaps in terms of simulating how human bodies work.
Companies
 should utilize
this
 technology and modify it for their
experimentations
Fix the agreement mistake
experimentation
show examples
.
Moreover
, research is readily available on many platforms and can be used to figure out ways to
test
 these products without harming
animals
. In conclusion, animal
experimentation
 should be considered barbaric, and laws should be implemented to bar these practices. Regulating bodies should make it compulsory for
companies
 to consider and research alternatives and people should do their due diligence and boycott
companies
 who still do animal
experimentation
.
Submitted by erickacasandra.abas on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument against animal experimentation and provides specific examples, such as the use of mice in pharmaceutical testing. However, expand on these examples to more effectively support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and links back to the main argument. Consider providing more explicit connections between ideas to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that sets the context of animal experimentation and a strong conclusion that reiterates the argument and proposes solutions.
coherence cohesion
The structure is logical, and paragraphs are organized in a sequence that builds your argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the ethical concerns surrounding animal testing and suggests viable alternatives such as the use of technology.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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