The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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In today’s fast-paced world, many individuals express serious concern about obesity, believing that it could lead to significant challenges

such

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as putting huge pressure on the healthcare system to deal with

this

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issue.

However

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, many argue that changing the school curriculum to introduce more physical activities could offer some substantial benefits to tackle

this

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problem. In my opinion, I firmly agree

this

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approach is crucial for achieving success in decreasing the number of overweight people. A key reason why I strongly support introducing gym classes in schools is its powerful impact on our

children

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’s health, significantly enhancing their physical well-being.

In other words

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, when schools change their policy to make juveniles do some exercises each week, it develops vital habits to exercise at home which will support the

overall

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health.

For instance

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, after modifying the school’s curriculum in Jordan,

children

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do sport twice a week, which showed to be enough

according to

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many researchers to overcome the sedentary lifestyle they have.

This

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example demonstrates how

this

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approach not only addresses the potential issue but

also

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optimizes processes, making them more effective and efficient.

Therefore

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, gym classes are crucial for achieving success in reducing the load on hospitals to treat obese people.

Moreover

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, embracing physical exercises in our education system brings notable benefits across various aspects of

children

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. It educates our

children

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about the harmful effects of a sedentary lifestyle.

This

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means that

children

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are playing video games and eating junk food at home without any awareness of the detrimental consequences on their health, which leads to more overweight cases in the community.

As a result

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of that, hospitals in recent years are associated with more high blood pressure, diabetes, and stroke cases compared to 40 years ago. Evidence shows that tackling the problem at a younger age will ensure effectiveness. In conclusion, I am convinced that the obesity problem could be tackled by introducing some physical activities in the school curriculum because it drives motivation for sustainable practices, enhances well-being, and ultimately leads to less pressure on the healthcare system. The evidence is clear: the benefits of

this

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approach far outweigh any potential drawbacks, making it the wiser choice in today’s complex world.

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task response

While your essay presents a clear argument, further elaboration on why more physical education directly leads to reduced healthcare strain would strengthen your task response.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each main point is consistently and logically developed throughout the paragraphs.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your viewpoint.

task response

You provided a good example from Jordan, which effectively supports your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

363 words

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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is often argued that it is crucial for individuals to be tidy in their workplace and house, and everything should be organized in these places. I think it is a correct belief, and I advocate this opinion. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view.

Some people think that reading is always a good habit , others feel it depends on which books a person is reading . Discuss both sides and give your opinion.