IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that mental health is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions

#people #health #factor #success #sports
In some discussions surrounding success in
sports
 is the most critical factor in mental
health
,
while
 others argue that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physically it holds greater importance. I assume that mental
health
 plays a more important role than physical conditioning. Having a strong and fit body is important for
performance
, but mental strength and well-being can
also
 make a big difference.
In addition
, mental
health
 influences
performance
such
 as focus and motivation. In
psychologically
Change the word
psychological
show examples
 in mental
health
 some people have
performance
 anxiety or stress. When people maintain good mental
health
, they stay motivated and perform their best even in stressful situations. The ability to maintain focus and motivation in mental situations is often what differentiates successful athletes,
emphasizes
Correct word choice
and emphasizes
show examples
 the importance of psychological
health
.
On the other hand
, a mentally strong athlete may not reach their full potential without the necessary physical conditioning.
Therefore
, mental
health
 and physical activity are important factors for achieving success in
sports
.
However
, fit people may struggle to perform if they are mentally unwell, as stress or anxiety can prevent their abilities. Ultimately, both factors are important and essential in
sports
. A strong mental state enhances physical capabilities and activity. Mental
health
 is the most significant element in determining an athlete’s success in
sports
. It can elevate a person’s physical
performance
.
This
 approach that develops both aspects is necessary to ensure that athletes are in the best possible mental and physical condition.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding specific examples or anecdotes to strengthen your arguments. This will make your points more persuasive and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion by defining key terms or explaining the context. This can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You presented a balanced discussion of both views, successfully addressing the prompt requirements.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion helps the reader to follow your argumentation effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mental resilience
  • Psychological readiness
  • Confidence
  • Focus
  • Physical capabilities
  • Agility
  • Endurance
  • Mental toughness
  • Sports psychologists
  • Mental preparedness
  • Burnout
  • Strategic thinking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: