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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that money makes a liv a comfortable others think that a large amount of money brings more trouble do you think advantages of this outweigh disadvantages

#people #money #liv #amount #trouble #outweigh
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It's often argued that
money
 can make life comfortable. Some claim that a large amount of
money
 brings in more trouble than you can imagine,
while
 others believe that
money
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 key to every problem.
This
 essay will explore both perspectives and present a reasoned conclusion. On one hand, some quarrel that
money
 can be a cause of many conflicts, and that you shouldn't romanticize
money
this
 much.
Firstly
,
money
 can have a bad impact on your personality, it's not uncommon for to people begin to change their temperament for the worse after receiving a huge amount of cash.
Secondly
,
money
 can mess up your relationship with your relatives, because after your family hears about your success, they will soon start asking you to lend them some
money
.
On the other hand
, it's important to recognise that
money
 plays a very big role in our daily lives.
For instance
, with
money
, you can buy yourself food to eat, a place to rest, a library pass to educate and some games to play.
To sum up
 with
money
 you can satisfy any basic needs that you can have. In conclusion, it's obvious that
money
 has more advantages than disadvantages,
due to
 the fact that
money
 is a fundamental base in our capitalistic world.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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task achievement
While the essay covers both perspectives, try to provide more specific examples to support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument nicely.
task achievement
You successfully explore both perspectives on the topic, maintaining a neutral tone before arriving at your conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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