Some believe that having a good work-life balance is important, while others argue that achieving career success requires a sacrifice in personal life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
As humans, we need to enjoy
life
by exploring interesting places and making time for things that inspire us. If we want to improve the world, we must work together while
also
finding joy in life
.
Today, we often see jokes about work and life
balance. This
is because people naturally need to spend time with friends, family, and loved ones. These connections are crucial. If we, as young people, don’t think about our future, no one else will. Therefore
, we play an essential role in shaping a better world. I hope no young person sacrifices themselves to stressful jobs working 24/7. Employees need time to relax and be with family for emotional well-being. Working too much, like "busy bees," can lead to success but at the cost of happiness. A job is important, but relationships and loved ones are even more valuable.
To conclude
, I believe people should follow their hearts as much as their jobs. A good work-life
balance is key to living a fulfilled and meaningful life
.Submitted by yaexar on
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task achievement
While your essay has a clear opinion and discusses both views, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that you address both views more explicitly and balance the discussion before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing more connections and transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Introduce more supporting points that directly contribute to the main ideas. This will give your essay more depth and improvement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the context well, engaging readers right from the start.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is strong and offers a clear opinion, summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
Your writing shows a good understanding of the importance of balancing work and personal life, which is clearly expressed.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite