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The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#visits #two #music #sites #web #report #university #lecturer #information
The line graph compares the thousands of spectators,who
reffered
Correct your spelling
referred
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 two different
music
webniners
Correct your spelling
webinars
webzines
 within 15 days.
Overall
,it can be seen that,
although
 the website
Pop
Parade
 had fluctuations, it retained the highest proportion at the starting point,
as well as
 the ending point.
To begin
 with,
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the 1st
day
,
while
 the
Music
Choice
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
archived
 40,000 subscribers the
Pop
Parade
 stood at 120,000 by
80,000
Correct article usage
an 80,000
show examples
 gap.
Then
,the number of viewers of the
Pop
Parade
 has dramatically
dicreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
 to just
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 40,000,which is just higher than that of
thebMusic
Correct your spelling
the Music
Choice
.
However
,
then
 these both sites,the
Music
Choice
 and
Pop
Parade
 closely followed in the days of 7th to 9th and,the latter one inclined to approximately 150,000,
while
 the
foremer
Correct your spelling
former
 one fluctuated until
11th
Correct article usage
the 11th
show examples
day
.
In contrast
,
even-though
Correct your spelling
even though
show examples
 the
Pop
Parade
dcreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
increased
 to 80,000 the other
vertual
Correct your spelling
virtual
 site
gaind
Correct your spelling
gained
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase to 120,000
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the 13th
day
,despite its fluctuation between12th to 14th days.In comparison end of the 15th
day
Add a comma
day,
show examples
 160,000 thousands of people visited the
Pop
Parade
 ,
whereas
 the
Music
choice
 was visited by nearly 80,000 bloggers.
Submitted by ranpuluk on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words music, pop, parade, day, choice with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
▼

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Music sites
  • Web traffic
  • Number of visits
  • Trend analysis
  • Initial phase
  • Steady increase
  • Fluctuations
  • Significant change
  • Peaks
  • Turning point
  • Growth rate
  • Seasonal variation
  • Comparative analysis
  • Long-term trend
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