Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
some individuals
states
that Change the verb form
state
children
should learn how to be a valuable part of society. but other part pf
Correct your spelling
of
people
thinks
that teaching Change the verb form
think
this
to people
it is a schools job.
Firstly
, every
single Change preposition
for every
person
, parents
are the most important people
in their life’s
, as a Change noun form
lives
role
model and responsible person
. Fix the agreement mistake
people
Also
, parents
are responsible for the person
they brought into world
and Add an article
the world
therefore
they are responsible for their actions and future. And this
is why level
of trust in them is higher than in others. Thanks Add an article
the level
for
Change preposition
to
this
, children
will respect and moreover
, listen to them more clearly and accurate
.Change the word
accurately
For example
, little kids before school
age see in
Change preposition
apply
parents
their
main Change preposition
as their
role
models,
and try to copy their actions, habits and speech. If Remove the comma
apply
example
is not the best, Add an article
the example
an example
children
will repeat after
them.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, school
as a major self-building place can teach children
to be a
good society Correct article usage
apply
member
. Teachers and classmates as Fix the agreement mistake
members
a
new Correct article usage
apply
people
in youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
life
will be very Fix the agreement mistake
lives
interesting
to Replace the word
interested
explore
them. The habits, knowledge, skills and speech can Wrong verb form
exploring
also
be a role
model to kids to grow as a person
. Thanks to a young age, children
like a sponge will absorb more information, others
habits and frame Correct quantifier usage
other
worldview
. Fix the agreement mistake
worldviews
Moreover
, by simple
studying young Change the word
simply
people
can build their own sense of self, by to
the method of studying subjects and the way of learning independently, Change preposition
apply
children
can discover aspects of themselves that cannot be learned from others. For example
, patience which is can only be developed through study, and this
will be a completely different quality than patience with people
.
To sum up
everything, personally
Add a comma
personally,
i
agree with both viewsChange the capitalization
I
,
and think that Remove the comma
apply
parents
and school
is
equal in question about teaching Correct subject-verb agreement
are
children
how to grow as a
great society member. The difference is that Correct article usage
apply
parents
will prepare kids to grow by parental role
and own examples, and school
will help children
to develop their skills by
their own by discovering new attitudes about themselves.Change preposition
on
Submitted by kozhadargulov on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence/Cohesion
Focus on maintaining a consistent structure throughout the essay. While your introduction and conclusion are clear, some of your main points could be organized more logically to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the depth of your discussion and make your points clearer.
Task Achievement
Your introduction presents both views clearly and sets up the essay well.
Coherence/Cohesion
You provided a balanced discussion for both perspectives, which demonstrates a fair understanding of the topic.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main discussion and gives your opinion, tying the essay together.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?