Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
some individuals
states
that Change the verb form
state
children
should learn how to be a valuable part of society. but other part Use synonyms
pf
Correct your spelling
of
people
Use synonyms
thinks
that teaching Change the verb form
think
this
to Linking Words
people
it is a schools job.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
every
single Change preposition
for every
person
, Use synonyms
parents
are the most important Use synonyms
people
in their Use synonyms
life’s
, as a Change noun form
lives
role
model and responsible Use synonyms
Use synonyms
person
. Fix the agreement mistake
people
Also
, Linking Words
parents
are responsible for the Use synonyms
person
they brought into Use synonyms
world
and Add an article
the world
therefore
they are responsible for their actions and future. And Linking Words
this
is why Linking Words
level
of trust in them is higher than in others. Thanks Add an article
the level
for
Change preposition
to
this
, Linking Words
children
will respect and Use synonyms
moreover
, listen to them more clearly and Linking Words
accurate
.Change the word
accurately
For example
, little kids before Linking Words
school
age see Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
parents
Use synonyms
their
main Change preposition
as their
role
modelsUse synonyms
,
and try to copy their actions, habits and speech. If Remove the comma
apply
example
is not the best, Add an article
the example
an example
children
will repeat Use synonyms
after
them.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, Linking Words
school
as a major self-building place can teach Use synonyms
children
to be Use synonyms
a
good society Correct article usage
apply
member
. Teachers and classmates as Fix the agreement mistake
members
a
new Correct article usage
apply
people
in Use synonyms
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
life
will be very Fix the agreement mistake
lives
interesting
to Replace the word
interested
explore
them. The habits, knowledge, skills and speech can Wrong verb form
exploring
also
be a Linking Words
role
model to kids to grow as a Use synonyms
person
. Thanks to a young age, Use synonyms
children
like a sponge will absorb more information, Use synonyms
others
habits and frame Correct quantifier usage
other
worldview
. Fix the agreement mistake
worldviews
Moreover
, by Linking Words
simple
studying young Change the word
simply
people
can build their own sense of self, by Use synonyms
to
the method of studying subjects and the way of learning independently, Change preposition
apply
children
can discover aspects of themselves that cannot be learned from others. Use synonyms
For example
, patience which is can only be developed through study, and Linking Words
this
will be a completely different quality than patience with Linking Words
people
.
Use synonyms
To sum up
everything, Linking Words
personally
Add a comma
personally,
i
agree with both viewsChange the capitalization
I
,
and think that Remove the comma
apply
parents
and Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
is
equal in question about teaching Correct subject-verb agreement
are
children
how to grow as Use synonyms
a
great society member. The difference is that Correct article usage
apply
parents
will prepare kids to grow by parental Use synonyms
role
and own examples, and Use synonyms
school
will help Use synonyms
children
to develop their skills Use synonyms
by
their own by discovering new attitudes about themselves.Change preposition
on
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Coherence/Cohesion
Focus on maintaining a consistent structure throughout the essay. While your introduction and conclusion are clear, some of your main points could be organized more logically to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the depth of your discussion and make your points clearer.
Task Achievement
Your introduction presents both views clearly and sets up the essay well.
Coherence/Cohesion
You provided a balanced discussion for both perspectives, which demonstrates a fair understanding of the topic.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main discussion and gives your opinion, tying the essay together.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?