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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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some individuals
states
Change the verb form
state
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn how to be a valuable part of society. but other part
pf
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that teaching
this
Linking Words
 to
people
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 it is a schools job.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
every
Change preposition
for every
show examples
 single
person
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,
parents
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 are the most important
people
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 in their
life’s
Change noun form
lives
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, as a
role
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 model and responsible
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Also
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,
parents
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 are responsible for the
person
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 they brought into
world
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the world
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 and
therefore
Linking Words
 they are responsible for their actions and future. And
this
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 is why
level
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the level
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 of trust in them is higher than in others. Thanks
for
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will respect and
moreover
Linking Words
, listen to them more clearly and
accurate
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accurately
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, little kids before
school
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 age see
in
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apply
show examples
parents
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their
Change preposition
as their
show examples
 main
role
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 models
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and try to copy their actions, habits and speech. If
example
Add an article
the example
an example
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 is not the best,
children
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 will repeat
after
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apply
show examples
them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
school
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 as a major self-building place can teach
children
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 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good society
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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. Teachers and classmates as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
people
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 in
youngsters
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youngsters'
youngster's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 will be very
interesting
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interested
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 to
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
 them. The habits, knowledge, skills and speech can
also
Linking Words
 be a
role
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 model to kids to grow as a
person
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. Thanks to a young age,
children
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 like a sponge will absorb more information,
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 habits and frame
worldview
Fix the agreement mistake
worldviews
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.
Moreover
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, by
simple
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simply
show examples
 studying young
people
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 can build their own sense of self, by
to
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apply
show examples
the method of studying subjects and the way of learning independently,
children
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 can discover aspects of themselves that cannot be learned from others.
For example
Linking Words
, patience which is can only be developed through study, and
this
Linking Words
 will be a completely different quality than patience with
people
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.
To sum up
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 everything,
personally
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personally,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 agree with both views
,
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apply
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 and think that
parents
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 and
school
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 equal in question about teaching
children
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 how to grow as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great society member. The difference is that
parents
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 will prepare kids to grow by parental
role
Use synonyms
 and own examples, and
school
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 will help
children
Use synonyms
 to develop their skills
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own by discovering new attitudes about themselves.

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Coherence/Cohesion
Focus on maintaining a consistent structure throughout the essay. While your introduction and conclusion are clear, some of your main points could be organized more logically to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the depth of your discussion and make your points clearer.
Task Achievement
Your introduction presents both views clearly and sets up the essay well.
Coherence/Cohesion
You provided a balanced discussion for both perspectives, which demonstrates a fair understanding of the topic.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main discussion and gives your opinion, tying the essay together.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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