IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

When a country develops its technology. The traditional skills and way of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#country #technology #skills #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As a
countries
Change the noun form
country
show examples
 advances its
technology
Use synonyms
. The old
skills
Use synonyms
 and
way
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 are fading away. There is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 necessary to
attemp
Correct your spelling
attempt
 to keep them alive. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because the old
skills
Use synonyms
 and
way
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 benefits for countries. Traditional
skills
Use synonyms
 and ways of
life
Use synonyms
 are a part of a country’s cultural heritage. It represents the history and values of a society.
For example
Linking Words
, local entrepreneurs can produce traditional
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as pottery or weaving to export to
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 countries. It can help to elevate domestic and international trade value.
In addition
Linking Words
, the nations will not develop advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 appropriately because higher
technology
Use synonyms
 was developed by fundamental knowledge that integrated
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traditional
skills
Use synonyms
 and ways of
life
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, the construction of dams to slow down
water
Use synonyms
 in
water
Use synonyms
 sources was done in the past using stones, branches, or other natural materials to block and slow the flow of
water
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, dam construction has evolved to use strong cement, which can
also
Linking Words
 adjust the
water
Use synonyms
 flow levels. If people in society
is lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
 connection with antique knowledge,
technology
Use synonyms
 will develop
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a country improves modern
technology
Use synonyms
. The old
skills
Use synonyms
 and
way
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 are fading away.
There
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is necessary to keep them alive because traditional
skills
Use synonyms
 and ways of
life
Use synonyms
 are cultural heritage and technological development came from old
skills
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by peeranat.phum on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on developing more structured arguments in the body paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by evidence and explanation. This will help provide clarity and improve logical coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point being made and expand on them to strengthen your argument. For example, when discussing traditional products, consider elaborating on their economic impact or cultural significance.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the main argument clearly and concludes effectively, reinforcing the overall perspective.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies traditional skills and cultural heritage as significant elements supporting the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Efficiency
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural identity
  • Diversity
  • Innovation
  • Coexist
  • Sustainable
  • Eco-friendly
  • Energy-intensive
  • Practical skills
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Homogenize
  • Preservation
  • Global diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: