When a country develops its technology. The traditional skills and way of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
As a
countries
advances its Change the noun form
country
technology
. The old skills
and way
of life
are fading away. There is not
necessary to Correct your spelling
no
attemp
to keep them alive. I completely disagree with Correct your spelling
attempt
this
viewpoint because the old skills
and way
of life
has
benefits for countries.
Traditional Change the verb form
have
skills
and ways of life
are a part of a country’s cultural heritage. It represents the history and values of a society. For example
, local entrepreneurs can produce traditional product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
such
as pottery or weaving to export to others
countries. It can help to elevate domestic and international trade value.
Correct quantifier usage
other
In addition
, the nations will not develop advanced technology
appropriately because higher technology
was developed by fundamental knowledge that integrated from
traditional Change preposition
apply
skills
and ways of life
. To illustrate, the construction of dams to slow down water
in water
sources was done in the past using stones, branches, or other natural materials to block and slow the flow of water
. Nowadays, dam construction has evolved to use strong cement, which can also
adjust the water
flow levels. If people in society is lacking
connection with antique knowledge, Wrong verb form
lack
technology
will develop hardly
.
In conclusion, Rephrase
hard
although
a country improves modern technology
. The old skills
and way
of life
are fading away. There
is necessary to keep them alive because traditional Correct pronoun usage
It
skills
and ways of life
are cultural heritage and technological development came from old skills
and way
of Fix the agreement mistake
ways
life
.Submitted by peeranat.phum on
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coherence cohesion
Work on developing more structured arguments in the body paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by evidence and explanation. This will help provide clarity and improve logical coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point being made and expand on them to strengthen your argument. For example, when discussing traditional products, consider elaborating on their economic impact or cultural significance.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the main argument clearly and concludes effectively, reinforcing the overall perspective.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies traditional skills and cultural heritage as significant elements supporting the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite