IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Countries are becoming: more and more similar because peopleare able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.

#countries #peopleare #products #world
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It is true countries are becoming more and more similar because
people
Use synonyms
 are able to buy the same
products
Use synonyms
 or
goods
Use synonyms
 anywhere in the
world
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can fulfil their
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
. I think it is largely a positive development but not without negatives. On the one side, today is
modern
Add an article
the modern
a modern
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 era.
People
Use synonyms
 can buy their
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 anywhere in the
world
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if they can buy their desirable
products
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 or
goods
Use synonyms
 anywhere they can fulfil their demand.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 will
low
Add a missing verb
be low
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if they
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
wish to buy
Use synonyms
iPhone
Correct article usage
an iPhone
show examples
 and they can get
Use synonyms
iPhone
Correct article usage
an iPhone
show examples
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
 local
iPhone
Use synonyms
 showroom
available
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, they
no
Verb problem
do not
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 need to go
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
iPhone
Correct article usage
an iPhone
show examples
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 their cost will
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, A
country
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 will economically
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 buy Indian
products
Use synonyms
, ultimately India economically
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if we buy another
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 or
goods
Use synonyms
, our
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 or
goods
Use synonyms
 will disappear. Businesses will
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
, and
people
Use synonyms
 will
discourage
Wrong verb form
be discouraged
show examples
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 business.
In addition
Linking Words
, a
country
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benefits
Correct pronoun usage
that benefits
show examples
 economically will lose. A
country
Use synonyms
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on their own
country
Use synonyms
 businesses, if
people
Use synonyms
 buy
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 own
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 will disappear.
For example
Linking Words
, Bangladeshi
people
Use synonyms
 buy Indian
products
Use synonyms
 ultimately Bangladeshi
products
Use synonyms
 will lose not only
Use synonyms
products
Change the noun form
product
show examples
 loss but
also
Linking Words
 a
country
Use synonyms
 economically will be decreased.
Another countries
Replace the adjective
Another country
Other countries
show examples
 will
be Benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
. In conclusion, countries are becoming more and more similar that’s why
people
Use synonyms
 are able to buy the same
products
Use synonyms
 anywhere in the
world
Use synonyms
. I think it is a welcoming globalisation. Any
people
Use synonyms
 can buy their desirable
products
Use synonyms
 it is a good management in the
world
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

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task response
Clarify your main argument or thesis statement in the introduction to provide a clear direction for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions for better flow and readability. Try using transition words to enhance coherence.
task response
Develop your examples with more specificity to increase their relevance and demonstrate deeper insights.
task response
You have successfully identified both sides of the argument regarding the similarity in countries due to product availability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a framework for your written piece.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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