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Band 4.5

In some countries, adults are living with their parents after graduating or even after finding a job. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#countries #adults #parents #job
There are a
lot
 of senior citizens are
inhabiting
Verb problem
living
show examples
 with their
parents
 after leaving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school or even after finding
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 occupation.
This
 essay
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
intends to
analysis
Replace the word
analyse
show examples
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 outweigh the disadvantages of
grow
Change the verb form
growing
show examples
 up
people
Change preposition
with people
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
living with their
parents
. From my experience l believe that Every
people
 have to
independs
Correct your spelling
depends
independents
 when they
are grow
Change the verb form
are growing
are grown
show examples
 up. There are a
lot
 of advantages of living with
parents
. One of them is you might
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
your
Change preposition
of your
show examples
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 situations every time. You can
carefull
Correct your spelling
carefully
 them. Whenever your father or mother can not
something
Add a missing verb
do something
show examples
, you can help them. If you have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
income
, you may send your
parents
 to the Umrah. As for disadvantages
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
there are a
lot
 of negative towards of living with
parents
.
For example
, In some countries, some adult
people
 prefer living with their
parents
 even after they have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 job or
income
. Because they can not
independ
Correct your spelling
depend
independent
 or they can not make a decision for final judgment in many conditions.
In addition
, Todays take place in some situations
people
Rephrase
where people
show examples
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
income
 or work who reached
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
 age. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only live
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
income
 during all their life.
Besides
, Not only he or she they feed their child's children.
Although
 it is not pleasant to
parents
.
To sum up
, There are a
lot
 of countries where
grew up
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
 can not live without their father and mother after graduating the
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
 or even after they have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 professions. In my opinion, every adult
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to learn
independ
Correct your spelling
independence
 for their future.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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structure
Try to have a clearer structure in your essay. Break it into clear paragraphs: introduction, body (with separate points in distinct paragraphs), and conclusion.
examples
Support your points with specific examples to illustrate your arguments better. For instance, include real-life scenarios or statistics if possible.
clarity
Ensure ideas are clearly developed. Read each paragraph to ensure it transitions smoothly to the next and your main points are comprehensively discussed.
content
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
position
You included a personal opinion, which adds a clear position to your essay.
task response
You made a good attempt to address the task, including necessary components such as an introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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