IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families, bacause of pressures of work.What problems does this create for individuals and their families?what solutions can you propose ?which would be the most effective solution, in your view?

#people #time #families #bacause #pressures #work #create #individuals
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It is true that these days, numerous
people
Use synonyms
 complain about their free
time
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 because pressure of
work
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 which forces them to
work
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 long hours, to spend with their families.
This
Linking Words
 dilemma can lead to many circumstances like financial consistency and the company where they
work
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 for requires them to
work
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 over
time
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.There are many problems that I will illustrate and argue in the following paragraphs. One problem that can be regarded as the gravest dilemma is financial circumstances which cause one to have extra
work
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 to make ends meet .
For example
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, in many societies especially in
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East where the worker's salary is the lowest than the other countries, many women and men have to
work
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 more than global standards to meet their requirements , since in these societies like Iran everything costs a fortune , because, many goods costing by Dollar and you
work
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 by Rial ,
although
Linking Words
, the governments have always tried to control the requirements in societies
people
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 like sellers have never followed the rules.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, The best proposal for
this
Linking Words
 is that , the governments must take a prohibitionist approach if they can not control society, many
people
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 won't have the ability to relax which is severely curtailed and underlines the victim's
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. A
further
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 serious impact might be less influenced is the society will be damaged in terms of mentally and physically. Many researches have proved that working long hours has always had a terrible impact on our bodies, imagine you
work
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 16 hours during the day from 8 morning until 23 at night. after that you do not have free
time
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 to spend with your family ,
on the other hand
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, you should sleep too in order to
work
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 again tomorrow,
thus
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,
this
Linking Words
 cycle will result in psychological and physical on your body after years.
In addition
Linking Words
, the best suggestion to rectify is companies could offer many privileges like high rise, promotion prospects to make an enthusiasm among workers. In conclusion, many
people
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 always complain about their free
time
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 , especially married ones,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be taken into the picture to modify situations to have more free
time
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 by removing financial circumstances.
Submitted by takhtejamshid1400historikal on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your ideas more logically to improve the flow of your argument. This will help readers follow your reasoning more easily.
coherence cohesion
Include more varied sentence structures and linking phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are supported with relevant examples to strengthen your task achievement score. While you provided examples, more specificity and variety in your examples would enhance your argument.
task achievement
Clarify your points more comprehensively. This will help present your ideas in a clearer manner.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion. This structure is crucial for guiding the reader through your essay.
task achievement
You identified key problems such as financial circumstances and the impact of long working hours, addressing the task effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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