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Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
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Agriculture has been advancing throughout the years, resulting in a more refined system that leads to an increase in cultivation and
food
Use synonyms
 production. In fact, the world still holds a high number in lacking
food
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 consumption even ironically leading to starvation.
This
Linking Words
 situation may have various factors, including inequality of
food
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distribution
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, which needs to be advocated to the officials regarding the rules of it. An unfairness in
food
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distribution
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 can be impacted by several aspects
such
Linking Words
 as the regulations of the kinds of transportation and the area
that is
Linking Words
 given.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the target of it would be a crucial aspect, which is to determine who will be provided by it.
For example
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, the officials often make a wrong target, which gives any positive outcomes and impacts to the hunger population.
Hence
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, the issue would not be solved for a long period of time since they
implement
Wrong verb form
implemented
show examples
 it incorrectly.
Furthermore
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, the most essential part that needs to be evaluated is the system of
food
Use synonyms
distribution
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, considering it gets a fund from the government to conduct it.
However
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, it would be a challenging aspect that needs to be improved because controlling other peoples' perspectives,
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 about money and their behaviours.
For instance
Linking Words
, I have seen a case
aboout
Correct your spelling
about
 a video of
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
distribution
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 program in a rural village
by
Change preposition
apply
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cutting off the funding for their personal matters, whilst it should be allocated for the program.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe
Change preposition
in strenghtening
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strenghtening
Correct your spelling
strengthening
 the regulations and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consequency
Correct your spelling
consequences
 for those people. To summarize, despite the advanced agriculture
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
show examples
 occurred, the factors that contribute to a hunger situation can be simply found,
such
Linking Words
 as weak regulations.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, society and government should try to raise awareness about the condition of a terrible
food
Use synonyms
distribution
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 system,
then
Linking Words
tightening
Wrong verb form
tighten
show examples
 the rules for it.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

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task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Try to organize paragraphs more effectively so that each paragraph has a clear main point that ties back to the main question. This will improve how comprehensive and clear your ideas are presented.
task achievement
You should use more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will make your essay more persuasive and show a higher level of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each point is logically connected, so your essay has a better flow. Enhance linking within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which help structure your essay well.
task achievement
You addressed both parts of the prompt by identifying causes and potential solutions to the problem.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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