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Band 2

Playing computer games only has negative effect on children. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#computer #games #effect #children
Some people claim that playing
games
 on a computer only influences negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
.
While
 I understand the negative sides, related to
this
 activity,
however
, I believe that it can be utilized with some benefits. I do agree with those who think that playing video
games
 is harmful
,
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 because it prevents cognitive development in
children
.
However
, I consider that many of these
games
 have been created with an educational purpose.
In addition
, sometimes, in order to relax and distract themselves,
children
 can be allowed to play, as long as screen time is under
parents’
Correct article usage
the parents’
show examples
 control. In conclusion,
although
 I support the view that video
games
 might have a bad impact on the development of
children
,
but
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I
also
 take the view that there are some positive sides of playing on the computer,
such
 as education or spending leisure time, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict control of the screen time.
Submitted by halynasmyk953 on

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Task Achievement
Consider providing specific examples to illustrate both the negative and positive effects of video games. This will make your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining the transitions between ideas to ensure that your argument flows smoothly from one point to the next.
Introduction and Conclusion
Introduce a more detailed and comprehensive introduction that outlines what your essay will cover. This will give a clearer roadmap of your argument.
Task Achievement
You have effectively acknowledged both the negative and positive aspects of playing video games, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your discussion includes a recognition of parental control as a mitigating factor for the negative effects, adding depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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