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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. Many others prefer to work for a small company first. What are the different advantages in each decision?

Passionately, school leavers now have the tendency to start their early careers with large companies which are devised by themselves. Unlikely, some others want
to begin
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 with small companies. In
this
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 essay, I will
further
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 discuss how these two biases can be beneficial to
youngsters
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. On one hand, starting their first job in a big corporation can positively affect teenagers in various measures.
Firstly
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, they have a chance to encounter working multitasks and a wide scope of experiences.
As a result
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, these factors can boost the ability of being a multitasker in
youngsters
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.
Secondly
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,
youngsters
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 can gain enormous experiences. As they proactively take action in creating their company, directly exposed to a broad range of experiences. Mark Zuckerberg,
for instance
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, once said that before he founded Facebook, he had made plenty of software that gave Mark experience
as well as
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 fostered him to be versed in creating software.
On the other hand
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, working for a small company
also
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 has several advantages.
To begin
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 with,
youngsters
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 can enhance their agility and flexibility in their
work
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. As small companies mostly have less bureaucracy, they are able to agilely finish their
work
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 in certain working conditions.
In Addition
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, it helps people to improve their ability to
work
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 in a community or group of people. To cite an example, since
youngsters
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 take orders from the leaders, they have to cooperate on tasks
as well as
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 properly implement the
work
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 together in order to get the best result. 
To sum up
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, starting their first job in a big corporation or working in a small company can be beneficial for teenagers in diverse ways.

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure the introduction accurately sets the expectation for the essay and avoid confusion between starting a business and working for a large company.
Paragraph Structure
Clearly differentiate between the advantages for each option in separate paragraphs to maintain a strong structure.
Example Relevance
Use specific examples to support each advantage discussed. While the example of Mark Zuckerberg is good, ensure it directly relates to the point being discussed.
Conclusion effectiveness
Conclude the essay by summarizing the main points discussed rather than introducing new information or restating the introduction.
Balance in Argument
You've presented a balanced view, discussing the advantages for both large corporations and small companies.
Use of Examples
The example of Mark Zuckerberg, though could be more relevant, shows an attempt to use real-life cases to illustrate points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • broad range of experiences
  • career advancement
  • networking
  • mentorship
  • personalized attention
  • agility
  • flexibility
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • corporate culture
  • sense of community
  • bureaucracy
  • industry veterans
  • resistance to change
  • valued
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