IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a big number of people who wish to live in big cities. Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities, Include reason and any relevant examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. Your response will be evaluated in term of Task Fulfilment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar.

#people #cities #reader #reason #support #term #fulfilment #organization #vocabulary #grammar
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It is undeniable that residing in metropolitan
cities
 seems like a dream to many individuals
due to
significant
Correct article usage
the significant
show examples
 public amenities provided to them.
However
, apart from
bright
Add an article
the bright
show examples
side
Add a comma
side,
show examples
 there is a negative truth about
cities
 too as urban areas nowadays are so crowded and polluted that it feels like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hell living
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that place.
This
 essay will analyse both the
prons
Correct your spelling
pros
show examples
 and cons of living in
cities
 with
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
 behind
this
 in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the advantages of having
life
 in
cities
. The first and foremost is the access to employment
opprtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 because it is so true that
people
 living there love to have a luxurious
life
 which aids
to provide
Change preposition
in providing
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of new careers to
people
.
For instance
, some dog lovers have a different carer for their dog which becomes one of the most demanding
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 in many
cities
.
Thus
,
concentration
Replace the word
concentrating
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 businesses, industries, and corporate headquarters in
cities
, residents often find it easier to secure jobs suited to their skills and qualifications.
Moreover
, cultural and social opportunities abound in big
cities
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 provide residents with access to museums, concert halls, wide variety of
cuisions
Correct your spelling
cuisines
cuisine
 from the whole world, including
theators
Correct your spelling
theatres
 helps them in
brodening
Correct your spelling
broadening
 their
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 about living their
life
 which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 them to enjoy as much as they can in their free time and getting knowledge regarding
muticulturals
Correct your spelling
multicultural
multiculturalism
. Despite the advantages, living in big
cities
 can be accompanied by
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of problems. One
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the major is high living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
such
 as housing, food and activities
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are so expensive that affording them is like a dream to
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 earner which even
strain
Change the verb form
strains
show examples
 their whole
life
saving
Replace the word
savings
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
This
 is all because of demand of individuals for living in
cities
 is increasing day-by-day and it become the reason for inflation in all things.
Furthermore
, on the downside,
cities
 often face issues
such
 as overcrowding and pollution, leading to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 quantity of
life
. The higher rate of population can lead to waiting
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 access to public services and that
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 the reason for stress and health complications.
For example
, it has been recorded that the
people
 living in rural areas are 75%
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
 than
people
 in urban areas as the air quality in villages is so pure which cannot
be find
Change the verb form
be found
show examples
 in
cities
.
Hence
, residing in
cities
 is both costly and dangerous for your health.
To conclude
,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
city
life
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to be so great that everyone wants to feel
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
, it is only good when you have money
for sustaining
Change preposition
to sustain
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
yourself
show examples
otherwise
 a person
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 caught in the vicious circle of 9-5 jobs even without saving anything.
Submitted by k7jassu on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are supported by relevant and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Focus on maintaining a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay comprehensively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the main argument of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanisation
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cosmopolitan
  • multicultural
  • public amenities
  • sustainability
  • commute
  • residential areas
  • property prices
  • quality of life
  • overcrowding
  • pollution
  • economic opportunities
  • social connectivity
  • cultural diversity
  • anonymity
  • disposable income
  • public transportation
  • corporate headquarters
What to do next:
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