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Band 6

The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries. Integration problems for people living abroad

The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries. Integration problems for people living abroad
#information #people #countries #integration
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The bar graph gives us information about three different issues that
people
Use synonyms
 have when they are immigrants depending on their age. The greatest trouble is the sanitary attention mainly in the medium age group with more than 37
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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,
although
Linking Words
 the other two groups have a range between 33 to 36
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Finding schools is the least important issue for
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
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 group exactly
a
Correct article usage
apply
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two
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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,
in contrast
Linking Words
above all
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 with the
people
Use synonyms
 aged 35-54 who suffer almost 20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and the end position the
people
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 aged 18-34 with a small minority over 5
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is another trouble which is most general in all analysed groups, it is the economic organisation with quantities among 26 to 36
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
However
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, between
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
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 and
medium age
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
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people
Use synonyms
 there is only one point of difference.
Overall
Linking Words
, comparing each one of the issues, it is clear the three problems are so important to take into account for the medium aged
people
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,
firstly
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 to have
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 access,
secondly
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 to order their economy and
finally
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, to get school access. For
people
Use synonyms
 over
55
Add a comma
55,
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 the two first are important but the third is just
small
Correct article usage
a small
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 portion only.
Submitted by fetani on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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