Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mothers and fathers should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that
parents
should raise their children well for our society. I think attending a child care course is a great idea, Use synonyms
whereas
it sounds a little bit unrealistic.
Linking Words
First,
I believe Linking Words
children
care classes have many advantages. Especially, for those who are becoming Change noun form
children's
parents
for the first time. They won't have any ideas Use synonyms
what
they should do or how to raise their sons or daughters. Books and videos are not enough to gain all the information they need. Taking Change preposition
about what
such
Linking Words
courses
, Use synonyms
therefore
, can help them go through difficulties they would face when they care for babies. Linking Words
Also
, parenting is a both Linking Words
mothers'
and Change noun form
mother's
fathers'
job. It looks great taking the class together because, Change noun form
father's
as a result
, they will be able to help each other and share many things.
Linking Words
However
, It seems hard for everyone to go to parenting schools. Not every Linking Words
households
can afford to take these classes. Change to a singular noun
household
For instance
, some may not have enough time for that because they have to work and make money to feed their kids. Usually Linking Words
this
kind of Linking Words
Use synonyms
courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
are
expensive and it lasts for weeks, or sometimes for months. Unless you are rich, in my opinion, it seems impossible for both Correct subject-verb agreement
is
parents
to pay a Use synonyms
big
amount of money and attend those Correct word choice
large
courses
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, I doubt anyone would let their kids go wrong because they didn't take Linking Words
such
training.
In conclusion, there are people who have financial issues. It will be amazing if all Linking Words
parents
can educate their kids and lead them Use synonyms
to
the right direction more conveniently. But, I still believe people can achieve it without any additional Change preposition
in
courses
.Use synonyms
Submitted by dob.jeong on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and answers the question, but there is room for deeper exploration of the issue. Consider expanding on both the benefits and limitations of mandatory parenting courses to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea that supports your argument, and these ideas should flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will demonstrate an understanding of the topic and improve the persuasiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay. This provides a strong structure that helps guide the reader.
task achievement
You successfully identify both the advantages and disadvantages of enrolling parents in childcare courses, which shows a balanced approach to the prompt.
task achievement
The paragraph discussing the financial barriers to attending courses is insightful and highlights an important aspect of the issue.