IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mothers and fathers should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that
parents
Use synonyms
 should raise their children well for our society. I think attending a child care course is a great idea,
whereas
Linking Words
 it sounds a little bit unrealistic. 
First,
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I believe
children
Change noun form
children's
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 care classes have many advantages. Especially, for those who are becoming
parents
Use synonyms
 for the first time. They won't have any ideas
what
Change preposition
about what
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 they should do or how to raise their sons or daughters. Books and videos are not enough to gain all the information they need. Taking
such
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courses
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, can help them go through difficulties they would face when they care for babies.
Also
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, parenting is a both
mothers'
Change noun form
mother's
show examples
 and
fathers'
Change noun form
father's
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 job. It looks great taking the class together because,
as a result
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, they will be able to help each other and share many things. 
However
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, It seems hard for everyone to go to parenting schools. Not every
households
Change to a singular noun
household
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 can afford to take these classes.
For instance
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, some may not have enough time for that because they have to work and make money to feed their kids. Usually
this
Linking Words
 kind of
Use synonyms
courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 expensive and it lasts for weeks, or sometimes for months. Unless you are rich, in my opinion, it seems impossible for both
parents
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 to pay a
big
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of money and attend those
courses
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. 
Furthermore
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, I doubt anyone would let their kids go wrong because they didn't take
such
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 training. In conclusion, there are people who have financial issues. It will be amazing if all
parents
Use synonyms
 can educate their kids and lead them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the right direction more conveniently. But, I still believe people can achieve it without any additional
courses
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and answers the question, but there is room for deeper exploration of the issue. Consider expanding on both the benefits and limitations of mandatory parenting courses to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea that supports your argument, and these ideas should flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will demonstrate an understanding of the topic and improve the persuasiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay. This provides a strong structure that helps guide the reader.
task achievement
You successfully identify both the advantages and disadvantages of enrolling parents in childcare courses, which shows a balanced approach to the prompt.
task achievement
The paragraph discussing the financial barriers to attending courses is insightful and highlights an important aspect of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child development
  • Parenting skills
  • Training course
  • Universal benefits
  • Work-life balance
  • Personal experience
  • Instinct
  • Stable family units
  • Child neglect
  • Cultural differences
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