IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you thinks this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and any relevany examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development #relevany
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the present, moving from rural to urban is a really big and common issue. In most countries, the rural public goes to urban for permanently.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 cities are more crowded, the rural population is decreasing. From my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 situation has many cons and negative effects on urban
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will suggest that moving urban
life
Use synonyms
 brings some issues about urban
life
Use synonyms
 and rural
life
Use synonyms
. It is a fact that rural
life
Use synonyms
 has got so much difficult. First of all, countryside
life
Use synonyms
 needs so much human power. If
people
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
 to the
city
Use synonyms
 permanently, the countryside can not improve enough. One country always needs qualified agriculture. When
people
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
city
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 time farming will fall into danger.
Moreover
Linking Words
, countries would have so many economic problems. After that, in the countryside, the value of the house will decrease because there are not too many job opportunities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 continue to
move
Use synonyms
 to cities, urban
life
Use synonyms
 will be more crowded.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, there will be rule problems and job opportunities issues day by day. Community who
move
Use synonyms
 to the
city
Use synonyms
 will not find a home for accommodation. When the population increased so much, society would have to work cheap jobs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, their incomes will not be enough for
city
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
. So we do not need more than now urban
people
Use synonyms
. We have to raise agriculture and support farming.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, some rural
people
Use synonyms
 would like to
move
Use synonyms
 urban.
This
Linking Words
 situation has many negative side effects. Primary disadvantages are decreasing farming, more crowded cities and fewer job opportunities
Submitted by yito18750 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is a strong point. However, to improve coherence, try to link your ideas more smoothly. For instance, transition words and phrases like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', and 'Therefore', can help guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Your essay has many points, but they could be more directly connected to the thesis statement. Try to elaborate more on each point, perhaps with examples.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Personal experiences, statistics, or hypothetical scenarios can make your points more convincing.
Task Achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt, make sure each part of the prompt is adequately covered. Consider elaborating more on whether there are any potential positive aspects of urban migration for a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a structured introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The main argument of the essay is clear, stating that rural to urban migration has several negative effects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: